#on a serious note tho it's still weird to me to have people read my writing because until like last year that was not something

[ranticore]

Had no oppprtunity to read stbh yet, but after reading everything that was on patreon an on this blog, I have to say I LOVE your writing and worldbuilding ideas and everything. in general. Really enjoyed reading the new harpy story/stories, great work!!!

:o thank you!!! and thank you as well for joining my patreon when it existed, that honestly means a whole lot to me and i love to hear it

and yeah haha stbh is one hell of a time investment lmao

[the-tarot-witch22]

Love letter from your future spouse 💌 - Pick a pile

Note : *Some intense se*ual messages for you guys too, soo minors DNI*

Pile 1/Pile 2

Pile 3/ Pile 4

Hello everyone ! This is my another pick a pile or pac reading so please be kind and leave comment or reblog, and let me know if it resonated with you!

Note : This is a general reading or collective reading. It may or may not resonate with you. Please take what resonates and leave what doesn't. And it's totally okay if our energies aren't aligned!

How to pick : Take a deep breath and choose a pile which you feel most connected to!

Note : This reading is based on my intuition and channeled messages from tarot cards.

I worked really hard on this pile please show some love by leaving comments, likes and reblogs!

*Buy me a kofi*

Pile 1

(The cards I got ace of pentacles, ace of cups, 2 of cups, page of cups, and the fool)

Hello my dearest,

What can I say? I didn't even meet you and yet I still miss you. Am I going mad, my love? I am working towards my goal and I have almost everything i need at the moment but why do I still feel that longing and sadness, am I insane for this? my life has been okay, I work or study and do what needs to be done, but is it weird to say i am searching for you? I hope you feel the same way… sometimes i dream of you or have that romantic dreams where you are there and when i wake up… nothing? It's making me lose my mind, i can't really talk about it with everyone, they will or might think i am just desperate for some shit, but i am not i want something serious, i want you. I have fun too i sometimes go out with my friends we laugh together, but still when I look at them or when they talk about their lovers or text them in front of me, i just miss you.. Am i being too much? probably but i wanted to tell of this to you, I feel like i need some rest or space from everything or just go somewhere where i can be alone with my and your thoughts, but the responsibilities are holding me back , I wish you were here to hold me and tell me everything will be okay. Sometimes I feel like we make some telepathic or some sort of connection and i feel that intense vibrations in my body, I haven't even met you and here I am being vulnerable, But i know you will love this side of me, will you not? I also want to tell you you're doing great and you will achieve everything you have dreamt of please take proper care of yourself, I wanna meet you soon, and have the love , fun i never experienced or had, You know love, what's funny thing is? I never had something serious or people had just taken advantage of me, but you without even meeting you, i can tell you are what i need. Please be patient for me, universe is in work and they will help us meet at divine timing and I can't wait for it. Until then, my love.

Phew so intense they had a lot to say to you, and they seem so sweet, don't they? i wish you meet them soon.

Pile 2:

(the cards I got 3 of cups, the star, 5 of cups and king of cups)

hey ;)

Hello my star, what are you up to nowadays? Are you having fun without me? wait don't answer me that i might get jealous over it, what's wrong with me I am not scaring you away am I? I tend to speak my mind, and show what I feel, because that's how I am. But sincerely tho, i hope you are having fun and celebration and you are enjoying your life, you know this is what we should do? Like just enjoy our times, I know how hectic life can get and we all deserve the break, so do it for you don't let anyone tell you that you are not doing enough because my star , you are and i already swooning over here from the thoughts of you, would you like to hear about my life too? I will tell you what I am doing nowadays, I had lost something precious to me, I know not a way great way to start a conversation right? But i wanna tell you, I lost something, i hate that I did, but to be honest? If it leads me to you , then i am willing to sacrifice anything for it, i wish we could meet sooner, but i know this distance this gap between us only increase our love towards each other, because distance makes heart grows fonder right? Now I wont deny when I lost that thing I was sad and even cried, But now I am healing and your thoughts are helping me? Do you miss me too at the same time? and wonder what we could have been doing if we were together? Because I do. Always. It's not even funny at this point. Gosh your thoughts make me feel all romantic thoughts, you are such a tease by the way hiding away and making desperate for you, don't you worry my star , I will take my revenge when I meet you, sweet revenge, I will tease you so much that you will regret meeting me late, Don't worry I am just kidding, i tend to get intense sometimes, but your thoughts are responsible they make me like this. But right now I am working towards something I am saving money for us our future and maybe kids too? Well, its a conversation for later… But if you don't want kids we can always have pets, right? I want to give you the world, and care for you so much for you. Now, I have to go… Duty calls, but remember I miss you, and I love you even if we haven't met yet.

Pile 2 your fs sounds like a total flirt and a good person, and I love it for you! You guys deserve it <3

Pile 3:

the cards I got (knight of wands, 9 of wands, 3 of wands, 8 of wands)

Hello sexy wanderer,

Do you know what kind of thoughts, I have for you? You my sexy wildcat, you are a pure goddess and you are so beautiful, and what can I say i have such dreams for you, I just wanna tear off your clothes, i will just leave it at that, You feel like a dream come true. Wherever I go I imagine having intense intimate moments with you, and I don't even know why, such a hold you have on me, and guess what we haven't even met yet. I have to say so much to you but i will hold out for now, I don't wanna scare you away, but its totally opposite I don't wanna scare you away but i also want to impress you, I wanna have enjoy small moments with you. I would like to make out and show everyone who you actually love. Not them who stares at your beauty or just wanna have fun with you but me, you chose me, i will show that I am a proud men, and worthy of you, right now I am travelling to far away lands I like doing that you know, but i am gonna coming to meet you soon. And you believe me when i say i will sweep you off your feet and give everything you are worthy of. See you soon.

Wow, they seem too passionate, and you know what? Good for you guys! Their message was short but their energy? give me a fan right now because I need it! They are definitely fire sign and love travelling, and their sexual drive? HIGH. They gave me so much hot kind of energy, I love it for you guys, i totally see you both meeting soon!

Pile 4 :

(the cards I got 4 of pentacles, the magician, ace of wands, strength, The Hermit, 6 of cups, 3 of pentacles)

Sweetheart? Once, we meet I am not letting you go ever, But i will make sure you know that I deserve you, I might make mistakes here and there, but that's just me being foolish or silly, but I never intend to fight with you or hurt you, You know I am a bit overprotective, but if you don't like that I am willing to change my ways for you, Right now there is so much work pressure on me, i feel overwhelmed so I decided to talk with you, even though we are not in each other's lives right now, I feel I can talk to you about anything you make me feel safe like i can be myself, i never had that, it was always me making efforts, but with you i can feel we are each other's light, and I wish we cross each other's path soon, right now i am enjoying my alone time, I am not dating around, I am waiting for you sweetheart, and I have a feeling we will know we are the ones for each other. I feel we have known each other in past lives or we might have each cross each other's path, but that time timing might not be right, And we both needed to learn some lessons before we meet again, and honestly? I'd like that. I wanna be the best men for you. I love you, and for you I am willing to fight anything or anyone, Some people think i am workaholic, but they don't know what I feel, or who i feel for the person i feel for is you, you make me wanna be a better man, i wish there wasn't this much wait for us to meet, I have so much to tell you, Sometimes I end up fighting with my close ones, I regret it, I am a very calm person but when someone provokes me? I can't take it. I am working on that too. And that's why we are having our self journey's together and let's meet at our best, sweetheart. Till then remember I am here waiting for you and trying to be a best person who deserves you. I love you my sweetheart.

Okayyyy, very masculine and hardworking energy, they or you might be spiritual too, you meeting will be for the best, for some of you i feel friends to lovers trope going to be here, your man sounds so sweet yet tired. But he is doing his best, you guys got a gem.

Thank you for stopping by! Take care and remember you are loved <3

[itspbandjellytime]

The Assistant [Hailee Steinfeld x Reader] - Chapter 4

Plot: Y/N Waldorf is fresh out of college and her first job is being Hailee Steinfeld's personal assistant, but what Y/N doesn't know is that Hailee is hiding a huge secret from the general public and from her, as her assistant.

Notes: This is a multi-chapter fic, you can also read this on wattpad under the same username "itspbandjellytime". This fanfic is also going to contain NSFW themes in the near future, so if you're under the age of 18 please don't read this. Thank you!

CHAPTER 1 | CHAPTER 2 | CHAPTER 3

A/N

Hi... I am NOT dead, I have been going through a lot lately but don't worry, I am okay am just busy with other stuff. Also this chapter contains smut, please read at your own risk <3 Okay thanks for reading!

Word count: 3.1k words

[Y/N POV]

It's been a week or two since I moved in with Hailee and so far it's going well, we are starting to get to know each other more outside of work as if we're now bestfriends. So far I am enjoying this job, however I still can't get the room that's in that dark hallway and whatever lies in that room. I keep on thinking about it, every time I head upstairs or downstairs to grab myself a glass of water to the point I start to stir up different conspiracy theories only lunatics online can believe. 

Today is also my day off, which means I get to catch up with Jackie. Jackie and I met up at a restaurant somewhere in downtown LA, and I told her everything, yes including the room.

"Wait, so there's another room?" Jackie asks, grabbing a bite off her burger. I nod in response, bouncing my leg up and down  "Yep, I don't know what's in there and I don't want to know what's in there even though I make weird conspiracy theories to myself about what's in there." I said, scrolling through my phone. 

"Maybe it's her album?" Jackie said jokingly and we burst out in laughter, I shook my head and sighed "I wish, if it was her album I'd be leaking that in an instant... As a joke!" I said, nervously chuckling as I look around my surrounding hopefully people do not know that I work for Hailee Steinfeld. "But enough of that, how's Hailee treating you tho? I bet she's treating you like a queen or something." Jackie says, a smile forming on her face as she leans forward.

My face turns red smiling at Jackie, she's not wrong Hailee does spoil me like crazy as if I am not her personal assistant. Yesterday, while we were out and about after a meeting, she took me shopping and I saw the pair of designer shades I've wanted for so long but I couldn't buy it because it's expensive as hell. But Hailee at the end bought me the pair of designer shades that I've been visioning for quite sometime now.

"Well you're not wrong, she does spoil me like crazy." I say, I pulled out the pair of shades that she bought me and showed it off to Jackie. "She bought these for me yesterday." I giggled, putting them on. Jackie gasps knowing that it's the sunglasses I've always wanted since we we're teenagers on stan twitter. "Oh my god, it's the sunglasses you wanted!" Jackie exclaims, admiring every nook and cranny of the sunglasses on my face. All I can do is laugh and nod "I know right?" I responded, putting the sunglasses away.

"Those sunglasses suit you!" Jackie compliments the way the sunglasses suit my face and takes a sip of water, we were both silent for ten seconds and Jackie as always breaks the dead air between us.

"Are you sure Hailee isn't like... Making any moves on you?" Jackie asks, my face turns redder than the tomato sauce of the dish I am having.

"Oh Jackie... You are feeding me into my delusions once again." I laugh, rolling my eyes. Way before I got this job, Jackie and a bunch of our old twitter mutuals used to poke fun of me in a friendly manner about how much of a simp I am for Hailee and as Jackie's friend, I fire back all the time.

"I am being serious, I am not feeding into your delusions Y/N/N. She has been spoiling you left and right, you live in her house, she bought the shades you've wanted, she is making the moves on you." Jackie says to me, I roll my eyes and sighed. "Well if she was making the moves on me then I am now The President of the United States." I said, smiling as I call the waiter for the bill, Jackie smirks and shakes her head and we continue to talk as the day ends.

Hours later, I am back at Hailee's place. I just finished brushing my teeth and I am getting ready for bed, I glance at the room that's in the deep hallway. I start to get second thoughts about me trying to find what lies behind that door, or me keeping my job and not fucking shit up between Hailee and I.

I check my surroundings if Hailee is around and then I look at the room, I slowly and surely take a step closer and reach for the door knob. My legs start shaking, the palms of my hand start to form sweat, and my heart starts to beat like crazy.

"Y/N?" A voice called out to me, I turned around to see Hailee behind me. I dropped my hand down and faced her properly, wiping the sweat off my hands and nervously smile.

"Hailee, Hi!" I greeted her, nervously smiling at her "Quick question, what's in this room?" I asked her. It was a very straightforward move but I was so curious, Hailee looks at the door and furrows her brows and looks back to me.

"It's just a storage room, very boring stuff there. Nothing interesting." Hailee says nonchalantly as if it's not bothering her just one bit, all of the chaos in my brain stopped for a bit and it felt like the skies cleared in my brain.

"Oh! I see, it looks very creepy from my end that's all and I was just super curious what lies behind that door." I said, Hailee laughs and pats my shoulder giving it a squeeze.

"It's nothing, Y/N. Now you go get some rest, we got important things to discuss tomorrow, work related." Hailee says, being serious this time around and walks away from me. I didn't say a word and just nodded, cause if I speak the conversation will last for a life time. I glanced at the door and then left and went back to my room.

Three o'clock am, hours later.

I opened my eyes, my throat was dry and I start to cough. I am feeling a little thirsty and I want to drink a glass of water, cause who hasn't had that moment when you wake up in the middle of the night and you want to drink a glass of water.

I got out of bed and left my room, heading downstairs to grab a glass of water. As I walk down the halls of her house again, my eyes dart the room in the dark hallway and I noticed something. The door is barely open and I can see light coming out, the light is red. 

Wait... No... What the fuck? This better be a prank. I swallowed hard and reached for the door, slowly opening it. I gasped at what I saw, I couldn't believe my eyes "What the hell." I whispered to myself as I slowly make my way inside the room. The room looks like it's from those fifty shades of grey movies, it had ropes and chains. This made me freeze, could this be Hailee's secret? The secret that she's been hiding from the general public? Jackie probably might be right all along, God I am so oblivious- But I don't care I am still  standing for what I said and at the same time shocked.

"Y/N." I heard Hailee's voice, it sounds so stern and serious. I can tell that my job is on the line with this one, I turned around and saw Hailee in an oversized Daytona shirt leaning against the door frame. "Hailee, I can explain." I said as I put my hands up as if I was caught by the authorities. Oh god this is it... I am gonna lose my job, Hailee didn't say a word she just closed the door behind her and walked up to me.

"I think I should be the one who needs to do the explaining." Hailee tells me, putting my hands down Hailee takes a deep breath and looks into my Y/E/C colored eyes in a very sincere and serious manner. 

"I know that this is shocking to you but yes... This is what's inside the room in the dark hallway. I know that this isn't typically what you'd see from someone like me but yeah... This is the secret I have been hiding from people like my friends and family." Hailee explains with sincerity in her eyes, all I can do now is just listen to her explanation. I though the secret in question was something  very controversial, but this... This isn't even controversial or anything. "Y/N, I totally understand if you seeing this will make you change the way you think about me and if you want to quit your job I understand-"

"Hailee." I said, finally speaking up after she explained everything. "I didn't know that you'd be into this." I continued, looking at the array of whips, collars, and cuffs on the wall and back to her. "Do you do this with anyone or?" I ask her. 

Hailee simply shook her head "No, I haven't." Hailee admits to me, she pulls me in close to her our faces inches away from each other. "I haven't..." Hailee repeats, moving a strand of hair away from my face. My heart starts to beat like crazy already, I am stuck and frozen and all I can do is nod "And I want to do this with you first..." Hailee admits once again. 

"Do you trust me, Y/N?" Hailee asks me, the silence in the room is loud and the only thing I can hear is her breathing and my heartbeat. I don't know what to say at this point and at the same time I want to do it, so I responded to Hailee's question by nodding.

"No, sweetie... I want you to say it... Use your words." Hailee says, this time she caresses my cheek. I took a deep breath, closed my eyes shut, and cleared my throat "Y-yes..." I responded. A smirk forms on Hailee's face hearing that one word come out of my mouth "Good girl." She whispered, pulling me in for a heated kiss.

The way her lips crashed against mine made me melt, it felt like an out-of-body experience for me. I gave in and kissed her back, letting out moans between the kiss as Hailee deepened the kiss. She chuckles between the kiss, running her hands down my body as she pulls me closer to her "You are so responsive Y/N." Hailee mutters, trailing kisses down from my jawline to my neck. I let out a moan as I felt Hailee slide her hand inside my shirt, caressing my bare skin,

"Can I?" Hailee asks me, tugging the hem of my shirt. 

"Please." I begged.

Hailee smirked, she then proceeded to take my shirt off, so it was just me and my pajama pants "God you're so breathtaking... You look like a Goddess..." Hailee praises, grabbing a hold of my breasts and giving them a gentle squeeze making me moan. Hailee smirks at my response as she kisses my neck, kneading my breasts "I love how responsive you get when I touch you, Y/N." Hailee mutters as she pins me down the bed, her grip on my wrist isn't firm but is sure to hold me down. She gets on top of me and starts to straddle me, she reaches for the cuffs on her bedside drawer putting them on me "Is this okay?" Hailee asks as she adjusts the tightness of the cuffs on me "I want you to be honest with me, okay? I don't want to do things you're not comfortable with, darling." Hailee says once again, reassuring me. 

I look up at her and nod in response "Yes." I say, feeling comfortable with the grip of the cuffs, feeling the cool metal against my skin.

"Good girl..." Hailee nods, kissing my lips once again and then her lips trailed down from my lips, to my neck, down to my chest. She takes one of my nipples and sucks on it, swirling her tongue around it making me gasp and moan as I feel a familiar heat forming between my legs "Oh God..." I quietly moaned feeling her tongue on my nipples, Hailee looked up at me as she runs her fingers on the waistband of my pajama pants "Please, Hailee..." I begged, fully surrendering to her.

Hailee pulls down my pants and underwear in one go, tossing it aside along with the pile of clothes on the floor. Hailee looks down and bites her lower lip seeing the sight of my wet core "You're already wet, Y/N." Hailee says, stripping her clothing in front of my eyes and showing off those nice abs she has.  She spreads my legs open, caressing my inner thighs making me whimper "Whats your safe word?" She asks, lowering herself between my legs.

"Safe word?" I ask her back.

"Yeah, give me your safe word..." Hailee responds, I know a thing or two about safe words thanks to mistakenly reading a paragraph from Fifty Shades of Grey at a Barnes and Noble. 

I just look into her eyes and I swallow hard "Lamp post." I said, I didn't know what safe word to tell Hailee but thats my safe word. Hailee chuckles and looks at me again "Lamp post it is, just relax okay? It's just you and me..." Hailee says in a reassuring tone, kissing my inner thighs.

I let out a sharp gasp as Hailee's tongue licked my wet folds up and down, those gasps turned into moans and whimpers that echoed around the bedroom. The way Hailee's tongue moves is a whole other level, making me moan more and more "Hailee... Oh fuck... Y-yes..." I moan out, rocking my hips back and forth for more pressure.

"Y/N, you taste so good... Where have you been all my life?" Hailee mutters, sliding two fingers in and out of my entrance as her tongue flicks my clit making me moan more and crave her more and more. "Hailee.. Please... d-don't stop..." I moan out, Hailee smirks as she picks up her pace to the point I am squirming under the sheet of the bed.

"You like that? How does it feel to be used like this?" Hailee asks, curling her fingers inside me as she kisses my neck, picking up the pace of her fingers inside my wet heat. All I can do is just nod, I can't form any words on how I am lost in the pleasure of her fingers "Y-yes... It feels so good..." I manage to respond, looking into her hazel eyes underneath the red light of the room. 

Sweat starts to drip down my forehead, my body is glistening in sweat as well as Hailee continues to finger me. I can feel myself getting closer and closer to the edge already, my walls start to tighten around her fingers each thrust Hailee makes.

"Hailee... I'm close..." I said, letting out a series of whimpers and moans, Hailee leans closer into my ear, nibbling on it "Thats what I want to hear... Cum for me y/n..." Hailee whispers.

I arched my back, letting out a gutteral moan and screaming Hailee's name out in pleasure. My whole body starts to shake and tremble due to the amount of pleasure Hailee has given to me, Hailee looks at me and slowly pulls her fingers out of my entrance.

Her fingers are coated in my juices and she takes them in her mouth sucking them clean, letting out a satisfied moan "Y/N... You taste so good..." Hailee says, pressing her lips against mine as I taste myself on her tongue. "But I am not done with you just yet, darling," Hailee says.

I watch her get off the bed and retrieve a strap-on from her closet which made my eyes widen in shock, Hailee smirks at me as she teases my folds with the tip of the strap-on "Have you ever been fucked with a strap-on before?" She asks me. 

I respond with shaking my head "N-no..." I said, my face all red and flustered which made Hailee chuckle. "You're so adorable, Y/N. Just relax... You'll probably love it." Hailee says, I let out a gasp feeling the girth of the strap-on inside me making my eyes roll back.

"So tight..." Hailee whispers, she starts to move her hips back and forth slowly but surely making me let out more whimpers and moans. I turn away to stiffle out my loud moans but Hailee gently grabs my face, looking into my eyes as she picks up the pace "That's it, baby... Look at me... God you're so sexy whimpering and moaning for me..." Hailee says, pulling me in for another heated and passionate kiss, hitting my sweet spot repetitively making me moan between the kiss.

I can feel myself getting close once again, my heart rate starts to go insane as she continues to thrust in and out of me "H-Hailee..." I whimpered out as my walls tighten around the strap-on "I'm gonna- I- I can't..." I manage to say. My eyes widened as I climax for the second time tonight, I start to pant and shake due to the intensity and amount of pleasure Hailee has given me. Good thing she is very gentle and started to slow down her pace, Hailee kisses my neck and jawline as her movements start to slow down "Shhh..... It's okay.... You did so well, y/n...." She praises me slowly pulling the strap-on out of my wet core, removing it and tossing it aside. Hailee then takes the handcuffs off of me and I can finally move my arms and wrists.

Hailee then lies down next to me "Come here." Hailee says, gesturing for me to come a little bit closer. I move a little closer to her and she pulls the sheets up to cover our naked bodies, she wraps an arm around me and we look at each other for a while "How do you feel?" She asks me. It took me a second to respond and collect my thoughts, I just cant believe that I just had sex with my boss but not just any boss, it's Hailee Steinfeld we're talking about here.

"I... It just felt like... like..."

"Like a volcano?" Hailee asks me, a smirk forming on her face. God this woman...

I chuckle in response, nodding at Hailee's statement "Yeah... Like a volcano..." Hailee and I stayed like this for a while, she drifted to sleep and I just looked at her and I followed suite, resting my head on her chest feeling her heart beat.

[fusillisarah]

MISTBORN REVIEW!! **spoilers!**

Okay, I finished mistborn! I freaking loved the magic in this series. the way that Brandon left little easter eggs that revealed more and more exactly when I was asking a question is crazy. I said this about Stormlight before. He's a MASTER at holding your hand, walking you up to a question, and then when you are what 'okay wait a minute how does that work I've never thought of that' he's like BAM hint/answer. It's really impressive. After reading a good bit (12ish) of Sarah J Maas books I can see a serious difference in quality of author. Its unspoken but rewarding things like that that really make me respect Brandon.

Okay on to the actual book review. I liked The Final Empire (book 1) the most sort of by a long shot. Less "political" in that it was definitely an act now think later type of book. Obviously we deal with those consequences later lmfao but tbh I liked the (relative !) lightheartedness of this one. Honestly 8/10.

Elend & Vin - Okay now that I've read more Brandon I can soooo see the parallels haha. I really loved Elend's character and I'm sad that Vin had to like go through all this relationship turmoil. I understand that she needed character dev. bc she didn't know who she was but (exactly like Shallan/Adolin) there's like this weird doubt and then they have all this sexual tensh w/ someone? it almost makes me feel like a settle. EVEN THO ADOLIN AND ELEND ARE SO AMAZING. It's just weird and yeah yeah I'm a dumb romantic but I like it when people know that their person is their person.

random note: a lot of characters seemed to get trampled underfoot. Dockson and Devreau principally. There was sooo much there for both of them, and Devreau even got more screen time but I think that a lot more of them wouldn't have been a bad thing. I.e. Dox had like one second and screen time and then died okay. I didn't even feel that bad about it Clubs hit way harder bc I felt like I saw a lot of his and Breeze's relationship. Devreau was kinda a nut but I feel like there could have been something there with a crazy twist on him just being such a religious fanatic, like some hemalurgic point but nope.

Book three just went SO fast! Idk am I crazy for wishing that Brandon had written some more? it just seemed like I was blowing through really important stuff.

Sleeper agent into my favorite character category was TenSoon. He actually was an unreal character to make up and right and his arc was just flawless.

the ending honestly was satisfying even though I didn't WANT it to be satisfying if you know what I mean. I was DEVASTATED actually screamed in my empty apartment at the end but I completely understand why that had to happen I was just still so upset.

I've had some time to think about this one but if I come up with anything else I'll add to this post.

I'm aware that Wind and Truth will be out this winter - I never read Rhythm of War either since I sorta figured I would want to reread 1-3 and finish it all out once its published. Easier to keep it all in my head that way.

Thanks for checking in if you made it this far! Let me know your thoughts on the subject!

[reflections-in-a-critical-eye]

I find myself questioning why I'm still bothered and how I let it get to me the lack of nuance in fandom discourse. Especially with K-Pop and everything I've witnessed in the last 3 years. The bigger the fandom, the less chances for it to be cohesive and attract a specific demographic able to participate in a certain high level of discourse.

I remember a few years back I was lurking in the Black Sails community here on tumblr. I was usually someone who would read the weekly reviews to tv episodes and that would be enough. In the case of that series, it didn't feel enough because to me, the reviewers were missing or ignoring the complexity of that show. And to my surprise (although it shouldn't), the fandom on tumblr was one of the best I had the chance to observe. There was dedication, yes, but more than that, smart people were writing these amazing essays and analysis worth of getting published in established journals. Well beyond a simple review. They were media literate, which is something that gets lost more and more as time passes.

Of course I don't expect that same thing in a fandom like Army. They can barely be compared. Army is way, way larger. It covers a wide demographic which is good and bad simultaneously. Theoretically, there's a place for everyone, regardless of their identity/background. So in cases like that, people tend to choose their own corner, subsection depending on where they fit and their interest. Perhaps a teenager is more likely to spend time on tiktok making edits and looking at clips, without following each and every type of content out there. Because they don't have to. Fans using weverse are also their own category that exhibit a specific type of mentality. Twitter and tumblr are places that offer the platform for a more discussion-type of engagement, with twitter taking the first place.

So, we find our community and that's supposed to allow fans to live in harmony. I know, funny. It's never like that because we like to peak and invite ourselves in other spaces. And the places can easily become echo chambers. But what is interesting to note is observing what the fandom deems as an echo chamber. A solo stan account or a shipper is an echo chamber, but an account focused on the group as a whole and only their achievements and updates is not. It doesn't matter that the user feigns ignorance when confronted with weird hashtags trending because they had no idea. They curate their experience. It's perfectly valid, but the danger of creating/becoming part of echo chambers happens to all of us, regardless of our type of engagement. The longer we sit comfortably in our corner, talking to people who are of the same opinion as ours, the greater the risk.

Nevertheless, there is still this need of showing one's superiority based on the type of subsection of the fandom we are part of. Which automatically fails because it shows our ignorance and getting to what I wanted to talk about, the incapability of engaging in a nuanced discussion. Of course this is not something that we should expect from everyone. Like I said, we need to know our "audience". I won't go to the weverse/IG pages wanting to talk about Asian fetishization in kpop fandoms. It would be pointless. But we do touch on those types of topics on twitter and tumblr. Which is why I don't find it completely absurd to have expectations.

Shipping within the fandom has once again been under fire today, more than usual. And it showed, as each and every time, that there is simply no bridge, no way of finding a common language, of willingness to have that nuanced conversation without resorting to generalized statements. The result of that usually creates more harm, divides the communities even more and sweeps under the rug the normalization of a specific type of shippers who transform mentions of sexual assault into a weapon to attack and offend. As serious as this is for people who are not online 24/7 in fandoms, it has indeed become the norm for those who are part of it. So then why we ignore it? Why do we generalize it instead of addressing the exact person or community who does it regularly? Because it's the crazy part of the fandom and those who are not part of it consider themselves to be better than others. Feeling superior is the ultimate goal. In a fandom of millions, we all try to differentiate ourselves in one way or another. And that leads to our fandom identity and automatically our position towards issues within the larger community. Being for or against, wanting to engage or not, is sending a message. It's always more about us than the people or content we talk about.

I know I haven't touched on 1% of what this topic should cover, but these are just some thoughts. We can't all be the smartest and better than everyone else when we are completely fixated in some beliefs that come to exist based on how much we want to use our intelectual abilities or simply refuse to.

[emawinslow]

HIIII CARMEN 😁😁😁😺

1, 6, and 12 for the ask game pls

HIIIII TALIA!!!!🤓

what are three shows in your watchlist that you've been meaning to get to?

only three. well freaks and geeks has been there for literal years. succession and I'm not just saying that because it's you I've been meaning to I promise. and the bachelor season 24. which is next on my list and I don't care I love trashy reality tv sue me

what do you use to keep your place when you're reading a book?

well I mean anything really. generally a sticky note but I do have an actual painted bookmark I got from somewhere for free. the other day I was straight up using a hair tie tho it's the wild wild west

what's something about your best friend that you love?

im not just gonna say one thing that's criminal and insulting to her. I met her in senior year english class and we happened to be in the same choir class and she was new to the school because of some truly insane circumstances and there are a million different universes where we didn't meet but I'm so beyond fucking happy we live in this one. I've had best friends before but nobody has truly been here for me like she has. no matter what you say to her she handles it with grace. she doesn't make me feel judged for anything I say or do. I say this with love but she's an absolute ditz but she doesn't take herself seriously so we can just laugh and laugh about the things she says. she's one of the funniest people I've ever met in my life. her instagram stories are some of my favorite things ever. she's always willing to give people a second chance. but somehow she still talks shit with the best of them. she's such a generous person and has amazing tastes in movies and she can bring up the same joke twenty times in a day but still manages to make it funny. she's always down for some ridiculous bullshit adventure we decide to do on a whim. she loves live music and has this hilarious intense one sided beef with dua lipa. she manages to tease me in a way that doesn't ever feel insulting. she cuts hair and is really fucking good at it even though she only goes to class when she has to. she's the most talented makeup artist (that makes it sound like she's licensed or something) I've ever known in my life like I'm serious. she's incredible. she's so confident and never afraid to just be the most honest embarrassing version of herself possible. she literally has a five nights at freddy's themed car. even in the face of the most dire circumstances she always has the faith that everything is gonna work out. and it does. she has a lifetime of ridiculous anecdotes and she attracts weird people and always has some new story to tell of some completely bullshit thing somebody said to her the other day. she got hit by a car one time before we even met but she always laughs when we talk about it. she loves metal music but her favorite song is no hands. she has a beautiful voice and she isn't afraid at all to scream songs in the car. she's obsessed with hummus. she has great style I'm always obsessed with every outfit she wears. and well I could go on but I love her a lot🫶

[animentality]

So I’ve been scrolling through the Durgetash tag and wtf.

First I’m fcking heartbroken that my Durge will not experience the moment of finding the letter/s to Franc in it’s original form or at all(?)

And THEN I FIND queerphobic posts and insane comments about Gortash “definitely not” being queer or “just having had a “business relationship” with Durge..? Even tho there’s enough evidence✨

Now… remember when we all adored Astarion and then more and more ppl started joining the tags, groups whatever and now it’s a whole toxic mess that you cannot scroll thru without getting a headache? (It’s sad the magic of it all is kinda dare I say gone.. I just look at it/him idk different, involuntarily at that, but I’m glad that Durgetash is giving all that back in insane amounts that let’s my adhd feet kick in dopamine fully-sated energy *incoherent babbling*)

I think the same is (bhaal forbid) maybe swapping over to Durgetash and I’m scared … cuz this, here… what y’all create! (art, hc’s, stories & just fun post’s overall) is so fxking special and so lovely🌷

And I really fxing hope that the ppl at bg3/larian have a REALLY good reason to *cough cough* meddle in each other’s I MEAN OUR affairs, when we already barely have anything, WHAT WAS THE REASON– just why, there’s enough bugs and crashes or other stuff that needs tending WHY TAKE AWAY?!

Good day and thank you for sharing your thoughts with us and without sugarcoating anything ❤️

I hope a build-a-bear lil dragon or whatever appears outta nowhere for you, that says stuff when you squeeze too hard (just like Durge–) like “ah my favorite bhaalspawn/ my favorite assassin” :)

First off, I hear that some people still see the letter, and others do not. Apparently, it's SUPPOSED to have replaced it, but some people just have computers that are built different, I guess. So you might possibly see it. Not sure.

As for if toxicity is spilling into the Durgetash fandom...maybe? I don't know. We were all pretty civil. I admit, I lost my cool for a minute there, but to be FAIR TO ME, I have not STARTED anything with anyone in literal years.

This was someone sending ME a reply that really pissed me off with its biphobia, like, absolutely ticked me off in one foul swoop.

But for the most part, it's not THAT Combative. But this note changing HAS divided people quite a bit.

So I don't know.. I want to believe durgetash and gortash love are still not mainstream enough to maintain the levels of toxicity that astarion fans seem to cultivate like horticulture.

We'll see.

As for why they changed it...I don't know?

Really seems odd. Maybe they didn't like the tone of it.

Truthfully, as much as I love that note for just being so out of pocket and weird, I admit it's more in character for Gortie to be a more serious guy...but honestly?

It's the fucking game's fault that they made Gortash a boring villain. They FORCED us to cling to his every note. To read more into his interactions with the Dark Urge.

To love that one iconic letter from him.

So they can't walk back on their weirdness....unless....they're planning on....expanding his role....

O.o

We'll see on that too.

Anyway. Thanks for the ask and glad I can entertain! By being an asshole! And a lunatic!

I NEED a Gortash plushie to keep my Dark Urge company!!!

If anyone knows where I can get one, I need that ASK or DM.

[fuddieduddies-art]

🐷 💘 💛 🖤 🍝 🧐😞 🤔🍛 🎶 🩹 FOR TONY AND HILDEGARD

omg hiiii bestie. once more let's get some read more action cause this is a lot lol.

🐷 PIG FACE — what is your oc's favorite animal?

hildegard. again, certified bug liker. probably weird stuff specifically like spiders, centipedes, anything with like weird long ass legs and million eyes and pincers. tony will see a falcon and be like wooahh sick The Maltese Falcon (1941) reference.

💘 HEART WITH ARROW — what and/or who do(es) your oc consider the most important to them?

hildegard. the fact i do not have a immediate answer makes me so sad. probably some people at the circus who they still write to on their travels. it will become tristen god willing. tony. steph one million heart emojis and zivah :) and also dire, yes, but he would never say that to his face lol.

💛 YELLOW HEART — how many languages does your oc speak? what language(s) are they learning, if any?

hildegard. they speak common and elvish :] tony. english, some italian. fluent in talking shit.

🖤 BLACK HEART — has your oc killed or seriously wounded anyone before? have they broken someone's heart and/or broken someone's trust?

hildegard. somehow she hasn't lmao. definitely has caused a few accidents with their powers that have gotten people hurt, but nothing that serious. they don't strike me as a heartbreaker tho tony. iman you know this. yeah like a handful. whoops lmao. broke steph's heart with The Incident.

🍝 SPAGHETTI — what is/are your oc's favorite food(s)?

hildegard. stews and soup and meat pies and whatnot. tony. i bet his mom makes really banging risotto and It's That.

🧐 FACE WITH MONOCLE — is your oc more logical or emotional?

hildegard. more logical in a way people find maybe a little cold or uncomfortably clinical. tony. ohhh he is so emotional honestly he needs to chillax.

😞 DISAPPOINTED FACE — does your oc attract others, or do they tend to be left alone?

hildegard. tragically their weird and off-putting swag is too much for most, and they tend to be left alone. creatures don't mind, though. monsters don't mind. tony. everyone either wants to climb him like a tree or is immediately intimidated by him. so like jury's out. until the time of the campaign he's been very reluctant to make any sort of deeper connections with people. because of the curse.

🍛 CURRY AND RICE — what does your oc's typical dinner look like? do they usually eat dinner

hildegard. since he travels around a lot, he tends to eat stuff that can last longer and that's easy to have on the road. bread, cheeses, dried meats and fruits. tony. well. he has a notable and unfortunate dietary requirement, so generally speaking he just kind of does a Snake Meal of human flesh and whatever he has on hand, either leftovers or takeout or something he makes himself, and that keeps him going for about a week. girl dinner.

🎶 MUSICAL NOTES — what type of music does your oc like? do they listen to music very often?

hildegard. god what music do they have in dnd. spooky music from the sims 4. i think they'd like stuff that's pretty upbeat and intense, and songs that have a story. tony. dad rock and jazz. perhaps he peeps some more musical theatre bc of zivah. he likes to have something on in the background pretty often.

🩹 ADHESIVE BANDAGE — does your oc have any physical and/or mental disabilities?

all of my characters are autistic even if they're neurotypical because they are made and played by me. hope this helps.

[leviiattacks]

hi bestie!! pls pretty pls do a levi one where he takes care of a sick y/n im feeling a bit under the weather and im getting kinda scared bc of covid :<< anything to help calm my nerves pls? thank you <3

author note :: get well soon anon :-( i’m super sick rn too (when am i not tho </3) so i get how it is. this isn’t that great because i wrote it pretty quick but i hope it eases youuu :-) this is just pure fluff and sappy stuff and yup yup MODERN LEVI BC... listen i have a soft spot for modern levi word count :: some how i got to 1.4k ????? idk how i always go over the expected word count i have in my head 

it’s literally been YEARS since the last time you were sick

if you really dig through the depths of your memory you’d say maybe you were last sick when you were seven???

it’s that or your memory is just not great

either way, you really do not want to bother anyone with your sickness so you decide to hole up in your room for the entire day

you don’t even tell levi about it because you know he’ll drop everything for the sake of your comfort

the only problem is that midway through the day you’ve become so bedridden you can’t even begin to fathom attending classes tomorrow

you guess you’ll be taking another day off

as that thought crosses your mind your bedroom door bursts open

“i...” levi lets out a long sigh and you look at him dazed from your pounding headache

you’re surrounded by scrunched up tissues and your cold meds have been left untouched

“i’m gonna get you sick too. back away.” you’re frowning and signalling with your hands that you want him out

your nose is stuffy and you’re sniffling but levi just rolls his eyes before he sits next to you on the floor

buried in your duvet you look a little like a burrito and he laughs at that

“do you know where the thermometer is? i’ll check on your fever.”

he’s looking at you waiting for an answer

you think for a second and then you try to rummage through the timeline of today’s events.

to be fair you’re a little disoriented but for some unknown reason you feel yourself get a little teary eyed

maybe it’s a mix of your upcoming deadlines looming over you or perhaps it’s missing a really important class today

but it’s so sudden you don’t even know why your body is making you act so irrationally but that’s what fevers do

“i think i” you sniff and then the waterworks flood out of you. your brain can’t adjust to the severity of your headache and your urge to sleep is higher than ever

honestly you don’t cry very much so to see the tears worries levi almost immediately

“im sorry i misplaced it.” you croak out, your voice is all scaly and weird, you hate it

stupidly you get upset about that too

don’t people sound hot when they’re sick?? why do you sound like an angry bear...?

this is not fair.

“and i’m stressed.” you blow your nose but it continues to drip despite your constant attempts to stop it

nose bright red and hair disheveled levi’s eyes soften when he sees your workbook laying at the foot of your bed

notes are scribbles in random corners and your mind map is a chaotic mess but you’re trying your best given the circumstances

god, even when you’re sick you’re working hard. you’re ridiculous but in the most endearing way known to man

“alright, lay down.” he runs a hand through your hair to fix the birds nest before he adjusts your pillows and places your head down gently

“i’m sorry i’ve lost the-”

levi’s index finger presses against your lips and he shushes you

“get some rest, please.”

you comply but not before giving him a playful glare

his warm palms move to hold your face. cheeks squished together he swipes your tears away

“i’ve got some soup on the stove you’ll be good in no time.” his soft reassurance is comforting and protective

nodding you flutter your eyes shut.

you’re unable to sleep but levi’s presence is enough to ease you even if it’s just a little you do feel better

fifteen minutes pass and levi returns he’s got you a hot cup of tea and the soup is nowhere to be seen

“i had an accident in the kitchen... so have some tea instead.”

you simply laugh it off, he’s trying his best and you’re alright with not having to be fed tomato soup

tomato soup..... it’s sick and twisted it tastes so bad

you recall having to force yourself to down an entire bowl last christmas after catching a cold

never ever again will you do that

anyways, pea soup superiority it’s the only valid type !!!

levi likes tomato soup though that’s the only reason it sits in bulk in one of the kitchen cabinets

he brushes the mountain of tissues on your bedside table away, he’ll dispose of them later

placing the cup of tea where the aforementioned tissues once were you then realize he’s brought you a slice of madeira cake to have alongside it

at this your eyes brighten you love madeira cake it’s so soft and buttery and simple but it’s just REALLY GOOD???

anyway, you definitely recommend everyone to have some it’s a solid 10/10

“picked some up on my way here.”

your heart swells affectionately

no one will ever love you as hard as he does

to be honest, the little things he does keep you grounded and you don’t really know where you’d be without him

he always pays attention to the things you love, always carries you from the couch to your bed, always tucks you in, always lingers a little just to make sure you’re sound asleep

you know about that last bit because on occasion you have stirred awake on accident

every single time he strokes your hair and holds you close ushering you back to sleep

again, you don’t know if it’s your fever making you emotional or the warm feeling of being loved so HARD?? it’s like whack a mole the only difference is being repeatedly hit by bursts of affection

not really a great analogy but your brain is fried right now and it’s the best you’ve got

levi sits next to you making the mattress shift and you then plop your head against his chest

“drink up.”

he hands you the cup of tea but you nuzzle your face into his neck instead forcing him to place it back down

“what are you doing?” he asks.

one of his hands draws circles onto your back soothing you and the other hand is fiddling around with the packaging of your cold meds, he looks to be reading the description just to make sure you can take them

the feeling of his t-shirt under your cheek fades away and you find yourself staring up at him

“get here.” he softly murmurs

rather than pressing a hand against your forehead he swoops down

at first his hands feel your face and neck

“you’re burning up.” he frowns and then he does it

he presses his forehead against yours and you swear you could stop breathing and pass out right then and there

“the fever’s getting worse, why didn’t you call me earlier i had to find out you were sick from-”

“i love you.”

he freezes.

“of course you love me but that’s not what we’re talking about right now.” he snorts and looks you right in the eye.

suddenly you’re kinda just a teeny-weeny bit self-conscious about your dark under eyes but you push that thought to the back of your mind

“no i mean. i really fucking love you levi.” the expletive only makes you sound more serious especially since you always scold him when he uses vulgar language

it looks as if his mouth moves to say it back but you stop him

“you don’t have to say it again. i’m saying it because you said it first.” you explain through your drowsy state

“when did i say it first?”

the fever must be really getting to you is what he’s thinking

“your actions spoke for you.”

he ever so slightly jabs you with his elbow before he carefully places your head back down onto his chest

“you’re so sappy.” he pecks your cheek and you hum silently still unable to breathe out of one of your nostrils

“i know but you’re sappier.”

levi doesn’t respond because he knows you’re correct

:-)

[thirstyforcharacters]

Tequila (Bucky Barnes x Reader)

Summary: Every person has a soulmate. When your soulmate experiences pain, so do you, and any bruises, scars, or other markings that they get appear on your skin. Or, the story of how aliens attacking Las Vegas was the best thing to ever happen to you.

Notes: Hello! I already did a very similar soulmate AU for Sam Wilson (which you can read here), but I love soulmate AU’s so much that I decided to do one for Bucky, too! Hopefully, I made them different enough that they don’t seem too repetitive. Did I write this while I was supposed to be watching a documentary on Bach for music history? Maybe. But I think this was a much better use of my time. Hope you enjoy! (no y/n, no pronouns)

Warnings: canon typical violence, alien invasion, blood (not too much tho), car crash

WC: 1.9 k

For all of your life, you couldn’t feel your left arm.

When you started to crawl, your parents noticed you only used your right arm to pull yourself forward while your left would hang limply at your side. Your parents brought you to the doctor, deeply concerned, but when she examined your arm, she found nothing wrong. No x-rays showed broken or deformed bones, and no MRI’s showed any problems in the brain. By all medical standards, you should be able to move your left arm. You just couldn’t. Everyone hoped that it would go away, but to their chagrin, it remained unmoving throughout your childhood. You obviously knew your arm was there since you could clearly see it, but you couldn’t feel the nerve endings inside it. When you poked your arm with your other finger, you felt absolutely nothing. And weirdly enough, your family said it was always cold to the touch, no matter how warm the rest of your body was.

You had a feeling that it had something to do with your soulmate, and when you reached adulthood (specifically around 24), you were almost positive that was the reason. You often woke up with random injuries that you knew you didn’t give yourself. Gunshot wounds, deep slashes, broken bones, and large bruises were commonly branded on your skin. You were positive that if your soulmate was getting shot at every other night, then they almost definitely had some sort of damage done to their arm that affected your own. But if they had had this condition since you were born, how old were they? That was always a question that kind of weirded you out. You didn’t particularly want to be “meant to be” with some wrinkly, old person! Especially if they were somehow getting themselves into this much trouble. And now that you thought about it, none of these injuries were on your (or their) left arm. How could that be if they’ve literally been hurt everywhere else on their body?

When you weren’t in and out of the hospital with randomly serious injuries, you were quite busy cooking up a storm in Turkey, Tacos, and Tequila, your restaurant in Las Vegas. You and your best friend, Nicolás, had opened it three years ago; you were the head chef and he ran the business side of things. The two of you had talked about opening a restaurant together since you were teenagers, so both of you had moved to Vegas together after college/culinary school. Together, you found that you were an unstoppable team, and within a year of opening, you were one of the most popular restaurants throughout all of Vegas! Most times, because you were so busy, your soulmate problem stayed in the back of your mind. But every once in a while, a bruise would appear on your eye or a large cut down the length of your leg, and you would be reminded again.

Nic, as you called him, already found his soulmate. Oliver had moved in with you a year ago, and joined you side by side in the kitchen. You became almost as close with him as you had with Nic. They were adorable together, and never made you feel like the third wheel. There were some times, though, where you found yourself a little bit jealous that they had found each other so quickly, and that neither of them had ever suddenly started bleeding all over a nearly complete order of mango fish tacos.

Whenever you got a little down about it, Nic would always clap you on the shoulder and say, “You’ll find them someday. And when you do, break their nose. They deserve it for the hell they’re accidentally putting you through.”

It never failed to make you laugh. You had half a mind to do just that when you met the love of your life. You just didn’t know when that would be.

On yet another hot and dry Nevada night, you were closing up at the restaurant (or morning, you supposed, since it was nearly 1 am). Nic, Oliver, and your other employees had gone home already, so it was only you that remained. You turned off the lights and locked the door. You pushed your way through the drunken crowds and tourists on the street and made your way to your car. As you were opening the door, you could hear gasps of shock coming from the crowd of people roaming the streets. You looked up and saw an eerie flash of green across the sky, and a strange-looking, portal appeared in the sky! Shrieks of fear permeated the air as grotesque, reptilian creatures began spilling from the portal.

Frantically, you flung yourself into your car and turned over the engine, hoping to escape the clutches of these aliens. Though your apartment was in the opposite direction of the portal, as per usual, there was a decent amount of traffic, so you weren’t sure how good your chances were. But you figured you’d at least be safer in your car than exposed outside of it.

You were able to pull into traffic and weave through it fairly well, making good use of the side streets that only the locals knew about. But the creatures were overtaking the city faster than you could drive. You knew you didn’t have long before they caught up with you.

Just when that thought popped into your head, a blinding flash of light appeared in your rearview mirror. A loud bang, almost like a cannon, sounded, and through your mirror, you saw a truck hurtling toward you at breakneck speed! You attempted to swerve out of the way, but the truck crashed into your car, shoving it against a street light! The driver’s side of your car crumpled against the lamppost, and the glass in your window shattered at the contact. You attempted to cover your face with your hands, but a piece of glass still managed to make a pretty deep cut above your left eye, as well as a few pieces of shrapnel sinking into your legs. The whiplash from the contact damaged your neck as well; pain spread throughout your neck and back. All you could do was sob in agony. You had never felt this much pain in your life.

Your hand was trembling as you unbuckled your seatbelt, but you found yourself unable to leave your car! The driver’s side door was crushed, the truck was smushed against your passenger door, and there was no way you would be able to climb out of the backseat, nor lift yourself out of the broken window with the injuries you sustained. You were trapped. You waited for a little bit, until some of the chaos surrounding you died down; even in your damaged state, you knew that no one would be able to hear you even if you screamed for help as loudly as you could.

You strained your ears, and were able to hear gunfire, commands being shouted, and the hissing of these reptilian creatures. Eventually, instead of the noise of a battle, you could hear voices trying to dig people out of the rubble. Somehow, they sounded familiar, but you couldn’t place how. Well, if they were rescuing people, you figured they were your only chance.

“Help,” you screamed, “I’m trapped in my car! Please help me!”

You heard footsteps sprinting in your direction and a voice call, “Don’t worry, we’ll get you out of there!”

You watched in amazement as the truck on your passenger’s side was surrounded by a glowing, red presence, and moved out of the way! It had to be the Avengers! Who else would be able to do something that crazy? You were brought out of your thoughts by your car being dragged away from the pole, making you jump. A face popped up in your shattered window. He was gorgeous; bright, blue eyes, short, chestnut hair, and a warm smile. He took hold of the broken door and wrenched it from its fastenings.

“Hi. My name is Bucky Barnes. This is Wanda Maximoff,” the man said, gesturing back to a woman wearing scarlet, “we’re going to get you out of here, okay?”

“Okay,” you replied, relieved, “thank you so much!”

He smiled again, “Oh, it’s no problem. You should probably stay there until the EMT’s get here. Moving might make your injuries even worse.”

You nodded slightly in reply, but the pull in your neck made you groan in pain.

He winced, “Try not to move that, either. You may not be bleeding there, but I don’t want you to hurt yourself.”

“Okay.”

“Here, let me help you with that. I can at least stop the bleeding,” he offered, gesturing to your forehead and leg.

“Oh, thank you!” you answered.

He nodded and reached for some bandages he had in his jacket with his metal arm. His left arm. Suddenly, you noticed things you didn’t notice before. He also had a large cut above his left eye, in the same spot as your injury. It wasn’t bleeding, though, perhaps because of his enhancements. You noticed him moving his neck in a circular motion, seemingly to stretch it out. He had holes in his pants and small puncture wounds on his legs, in the same spots where glass was sticking out of you. Again, though, they were already healing. Could that be why you had never felt your arm before? Because your soulmate’s was metal? It would make complete sense.

“Are you okay?”

You didn’t even realize you had zoned out until Bucky addressed you. He was gently cleaning the wound on your forehead.

“Yes,” you whispered, fixated on the wound on his forehead.

His eyebrow raised, “Are you sure? You seem a little out of it.”

“I-I’m fine. I just noticed something kind of strange. I think the cut on your forehead matches mine.”

He touched his forehead, “Oh, yeah, I forgot about that with the adrenaline and everything. Only got it maybe 20 minutes ago.”

“That’s when my car crashed. And you’re having neck pain, like me,” you murmured, “and your arm is metal. I’ve never been able to feel my arm.”

His eyes widened, “Really? You think we’re meant to be?”

“Maybe,” you replied.

He nodded, “It seems likely. What’s your name?”

You gave him your name and he smiled again.

“I’ve been waiting for this for a century.”

You giggled softly, “I guess that explains why I’ve been experiencing this since I was born. I was afraid you’d be gross and wrinkly.”

He chuckled, “Well, hopefully you don’t think I’m either of those things.”

“Definitely not.”

The EMT’s arrived then. Bucky stepped aside and the medics removed you from your car.

As you were being loaded into the ambulance, Bucky approached you.

“How can I get in contact with you after this?”

“Just come by Turkey, Tacos, and Tequila. It’s my restaurant, I’m almost always there,” you told him.

“Okay. I’ll drop by sometime soon, when you’re better of course.”

“Looking forward to it.”

“Me too.”

As he was walking away, you couldn’t stop the grin forming on your lips. Sure, what had happened to you today was terrible. But you knew you would heal, and now, you had also finally met your soulmate. No wonder why you were randomly injured all of the time! If today was any indicator of what the rest of your relationship would look like, though, you’d probably need all of that tequila you were selling for yourself.

[probably-haven]

after binge reading i have come to a new revelation: I’m not a fan of most Xiaoven fanfics

Don’t get me wrong, I love the ship and its one of my favorite to think about.... but most of the fanfiction for the ship just- doesn’t sit right with me for a number of reasons. 

Disclaimer: these are personal opinions from my own taste and are in no way an attack against any authors out there, because frankly fanfic authors are great and not like i could do better lol. As these are personal opinions, I acknowledge here and now that a number of people disagree and that they are under no obligation to change their opinions in any way as it is not and never will be my intention to tell others what they should be thinking That said- read at your own risk if you want- meh, anyway-

time to share some opinions that have been on my mind lately

The biggest reason.... is how they handle Xiao. And I don’t even mean mischaracterization because Xiao is such a complex and yet simultaneously simple character that as long as you’re somewhere in the range of “Xiao vibes” it’s really hard to write him out of character because of his complexities. What I mean is something that i actually completely agree with as being accurate to his character. In nearly every single fanfic I’ve seen, there is some element of idolization that Xiao has for Venti, or for the sake of reference, Barbatos. He tends to think himself beneath Barbatos and/or indebted to him, whether that be because he’s an archon, because he saved him, or simply because of Xiao’s tendency to dehumanize(yes i see the irony in that word usage) himself.  This by itself isn’t an issue but its often how this trait of his is treated.

Imma just list a few ways I’ve seen this be handled within Xiaoven fics. - It isn’t handled, it’s just there and accepted as a part of who he is in the story - It isn’t handled but his trait is treated as source of humor within the story - Venti(and others) roll with it (finding humor in it, just cant change it, encouraging it, making jokes about it, etc.) - Venti takes advantage of it(whether accidentally or purposely) - it’s actually addressed(by Venti or someone else or the narration- can go a number of ways, but just- even a brief reference to the fact that its not a good mindset fits in here) - savior!Venti(Where venti disagrees with it but the way it’s written gives off “god among mortals” vibes- like he’s just being humble and truly is above him in reality) - its the focus of the story  - not directly addressed but shown to be destructive.  - they chose not to not include this in the story’s characterization of Xiao(just saying that this is valid ahead of time) Theres others but i have a lot already.  Note that I tend to read more ‘serious-toned’(idk if that makes sense) fics so that may skew my perception

Now there’s a few that i have issues with on their own- both instances of it not being handled, Venti(and others) rolling with it, Venti takes advantage of it(purposely(and without good intent)), and savior!Venti. Xiao not only has this trait, but he is unfamiliar with what is normal in relationships or emotions as a result of isolation and inexperience. He is also either not aware of or not concerned with what is considered strictly “healthy.” Combining these makes for a rather dangerous combination and just accepting it as “oh he’s just like that, it’s who he is” or making it out to be something funny- It’s not wrong or bad by any means necessarily, and I could still possibly enjoy it to an extent depending on a series of different factors, but its- not as often.  Even in the case where I do enjoy reading it however, I would still feel uncomfortable sharing it with or recommending it to others because in the first instance it feels like normalizing a destructive and dangerous mindset, and in the second case it does the same while simultaneously making a joke of it. It’s the same deal with Venti or other characters rolling with it, but that’s probably gonna be mentioned later too. Not to say that this is a “wrong” way to handle it, that it makes the fic bad, or that authors even are normalizing anything by doing so, just that in my specific instance- not a fan. 

I’ll get to the others when i talk more about Venti, but for now: It’s the focus of the story. I think I saw like... 2? where the story was like- focused on this and why its a problem which- power to them, address those real world problems like a boss- but also i wouldn’t actively seek it out or anything- like, good job, but doing so just leaves it open neutrally for other factors to decide how good a story i think it is. 

not directly addressed but shown to be destructive. You’d think i wouldn’t like this- but frankly in fanfiction not everyone wants to address every character flaw verbally because it can through off story, narration, dialogue, and general flow to do so. This can be with an event, an action, a dialogue, a mere comment, making it actually fit into the it’s actually addressed category except that its- subtle enough to make its own category. plus i live for show not tell- in everything- its a thing. im- very much a fan of when the fics do this but the subtlety is easy to miss and its not common so- 

It’s actually adressed- doesnt have to be a lot- just mention anywhere or imply anywhere that maybe idolizing someone as a god and savior and being in a relationship with them while having little knowledge of standards, emotions, relationships, or healthy behaviors in general- maybe isnt the smartest idea in the word. (”Call me Venti, not Barbatos” by itself is not enough to fit in this category tho as a note)

-

Now lets talk about Venti...

uh.... those who have followed me for awhile will probably already know this but... I have a lot of opinions on Venti and a pretty- “niche(?)” perception of his characterization that isn’t shared by a lot of others- so I don’t actually read as much Venti fanfic in general as you might expect because I often end up disagreeing with how writers portray him, which again, in no way is their characterization wrong, but- “their perceived truth” conflicts with “my perceived truth” and by extent so does the characterization, though neither is any more correct than the other from an objective point of view, if that makes sense... but anyways now that that’s said, moving on before this becomes a philosophy lecture, as fun as that would be for me.  I’ll try to keep my “perceived truth” out of this for the first bit. 

Venti’s response to this: 

He rolls with it: this depends on the mood of the fanfiction. If they dont put a lot of stress on that trait of Xiao’s it totally fine but if the trait seems to be a major part of Xiao’s character, it seems like normalization once more. (more on this later)

he takes advantage of it purposely: if its an AU or something and Venti’s like a villain(i saw a few) then- villain venti isnt my cup of tea but i have no qualms. If they don’t portray Venti in a negative light while having him take advantage however that’s a bit uncomfortable to read for me because it feels like normalizing taking advantage of that mindset as well as the mindset itself. However, i did see a number of instances of Venti using it as leverage for like- self care- which i definitely have no qualms. Xiao: [insert probably destructive idolizing statement about being indebt] Venti: How bout you pay me back by actually sleeping for once smh or other variations are okay and depending on the vibe are actually a really fun dynamic as long as it doesnt turn into romanticizing or normalizing it, y’know?

Venti accidentally taking advantage of it.... I love angst- and in most of these theres a sense of guilt when he realizes- and i just think thats a lovely way of addressing the dangers of such a mindset for both sides. As long as it doesn’t keep repeating to the point of romanticization its totally cool to read in my eyes(not irl ofc). If Venti never realizes he accidentally took or is taking advantage it feels a bit like normalization, and if he does but just- doesn’t care thats- a rip.

savior!Venti...... i- i hate. the story giving off vibes that Xiao’s mindset is technically correct while Venti oh so humbly tells him to treat him as an equal like the wonderful and charitable person he is.... i just- no. of course thats over dramatizing it- I think the main thing that gives it this vibe is when Venti doesn’t seem either concerned, surprised, uncomfortable, or otherwise have a negative feeling towards Xiao’s mindset. Just- it makes the whole thing weird in my eyes when Venti doesnt really seem to have his own reason to oppose the mindset idk- 

-

fact time!

Venti is the god of freedom. His backstory is freeing Mondstadt from a god’s tyrannical reign. His origin is a windsprite, just another breeze bringing changes for the better. His form is a nameless boy who played an instrument and then died, thus failing at his only dream and only ever accomplishing anything because of the help of others. He slept for a thousand years after the archon war to avoid putting Mond under the rule of yet another tyrannical god. He only even became a god because Andrius chose to let him. He wouldn’t have even had that chance if the nameless bard had survived, he’d remain just another wind while his friend ascended to godhood. Venti sacrifices his own power for his people’s freedom. 

now that I’ve laid out a number of canon facts, time for opinions:

Venti has little to no desire to be seen as a god. He thrives in, comes from, and emphasizes a lack of superiority in quite nearly everything. The first Ragnvindir, who canonically turned his back on Venti after Decarabian’s fall, likely did so because one- he anticipated power would corrupt and Venti would soon become just another tyrannical god, two- he suspected Venti used the nameless bard in an attempt to rise to godhood, or three- idk insert other possibilities to acknowledge again that i could totally be wrong.

Look me in the eyes and tell me Venti wouldnt trade godhood for his friend in an instant. His godhood was only granted to him because his friend died and could easily serve to constantly remind him of what could have been and what he lost. Venti takes no enjoyment from being seen as superior and in my opinion, I feel that it could actually make him largely uncomfortable when his divinity and abilities as an archon get involved-

also self promotion for my favorite posts- check out #archon war era venti if thats interesting to you

so anyway Venti rolling with it or making jokes about it just doesn’t sit right with me.- 

-

Okay! enough talking about that mindset!

idk- i have... a few/lot of other gripes and stuff or just things that kinda throw off the vibe for me but that’s the main one plus my general personal pickiness when it come to Venti fanfics- but this has gotten long enough already- 

idk i just felt like rambling about it and i haven’t done a long post in a while so-

again, I love the ship and its actually one of my favorites- just the fanfic isnt my thing..... that doesn’t mean i don’t still love it and come up with a whole ton of brainrot and ideas on it tho lmao

[landoncrris]

I think we should all take a deep breath :’) we’re not sure about anything. could be someone else’s phone, or even if it’s his, could be a picture of his family or even just the tower bridge in general if it means something special to him. i really doubt he’d go out having a girl on his lockerscreen like that because people text him all the time and since he doesn’t have dnd on, we probably would’ve caught it in a video/picture by now. also, are we not forgetting he has two phones? maybe that’s his “second” one and so the background is nothing personal. also you all coming in here to say things about him in such a negative note all because you caught a glimpse of a phone in a video is kinda…. weird. i don’t mean to sound rude but we’re definitely looking into it too much!! the only real “ick” anyone mentioned was anything he did in miami, and that’s most likely because we hadn’t seen that side of him yet. it’s a normal “shock”. if he likes his tattoos then leave him, him getting his teeth whitened is nothing of an ick, in fact he’s taking care of himself and I myself have done that in the past because of how insecure i was. anything he does to make himself feel good, why do people attack him instantly. not every single thing has to be an ick but people exaggerate and i’ve only seen this behavior on his fanbase. weird. he also might not know about his friends’ behavior on the internet, I don’t do a social media checkup when I meet someone to know what they’re saying online. he’s also extremely nice to probably see past it. also, some of the things you talk about happened years ago. he has been through so much ever since, it doesn’t make sense to analyze his past like that. i would cry if people ever went through my old pictures because that was reallll cringe. it’s normal. it frustrates me that people don’t think about what mason would feel/think about if he read any of these. his photoshoots? how is that an ick. he’s working. if it’s about the outfits, you know who you should be taking about. but also, if you just don’t like him then just say that (?) it’s infuriating to be his fan sometimes because he’s clearly just young and having fun whenever he can and he honestly deserves it. have you thought about how serious this season was and all the work he’s put in? helping carry a struggling team along with some of the other players? getting hate comments all the time? and the second he gets to relax and go out a bit you call it an ick because he’s finally been able to let go for a few days 😭 come on, if it were my fans i’d go insane probably. you find icky anything that’s not to do with him being your ideal boyfriend, that’s wicked. some people need to realize he’s a real person and not a fictional character we read in fics (even though all his fans’ fics are so so great, specially here on this blog!!) so i guess I just wanted to get that off my chest. some people are too sensitive and he could breathe and they would call it an ick. you found the word and ran with it 😭 love your blog lia, love that you’re so mature. I love your answers all the time but i don’t think i could ever put up with some of these anons. so i’m grateful you’re so mature and definitely such a great writer!! this was never targeted towards you but yes to some people who come in here every now and again and criticize mason for being a real human being and that just annoys me i guess, because i wouldn’t like people doing that to me. so just relax, breathe and enjoy his new content, he looked great in monaco :) x

i definitely agree with you at most things!! i do have to defend some people tho because they didn’t say those icks because of the lockscreen, they sent them to me because i asked for it, because in the end i was the one who freaked out about that video :) the teeth whitening itself isn’t icky in my opinion, it’s the picture of it i posted where you can see how he got it done. which is still no excuse i really get your point but it does look funny why lie. on anything else, i really agree!! maybe the reason why so many people try to find ‘icks’ about him is because we describe him as so perfect in fics that those things stand out more? of course those fics aren’t reality and we should know that but i also know how hard it is to remind yourself that that’s not who he really is why lie. and what you said about me and my blog, genuinely thank you so so much!! i really appreciate it and i’m glad that you think that way xx

[astroninaaa]

Hot take; one of the most poorly written arcs was the eggpire arc since no eggpire controlled characters were developed prior to the arc like BBH and Skeppy so it felt awkward watching the two go through this arc with no prior foundation on the relationship they share. It's not even just that arc too, The Mexican L'manburg was one of the shittest excuses of filler I had to watch. Its weird watching it knowing that it's intended to be taken seriously. And with that...

ngl i didn't watch most of the eggpire arc because most of the people on it stream when it's fucking 3am for me and i didn't watch the mexican l'manburg thing either bc i didn't really watch quackity streams then but i still disagree. i completely disagree.

for one, i don't think the mexican l'manburg arc was made to be taken seriously. it was just a bunch of ccs who are friends joking around. that's like saying wilbur's drug empire arc at the beginning of the smp was shit bc it was too jokey. like,,,,,,, that's the point. it's not serious lore like las nevadas or the exile- it's just people playing in a minecraft server and making up a silly story that was later incorporated into lore, you know? so i don't think it's really fair to judge it like that.

on another note. i truly think the eggpire arc was well-developed. it had months in its making and so much things happened in it before it reached where it is right now. i have only read summaries of it because once again, timezones, but even then. you can see that it's a well-built arc, even if messy (which is also unfair to judge it by since most of the arcs are a little messy. it's because they aren't professionally written these are a bunch of kids on a minecraft server-), it's well developed. am i frustrated by how it apparently finished and with how it suddenly stopped? yes, actually! i am! but prior to the red banquet i believe it was a very, very well done arc. i truly do. i watched only some of the streams and they were all so good. a personal favorite is the one after c!tommy died- that was so fucking good. the absolute terror of watching the eggpire celebrate a child's murder,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,, that was so good. it really made it sink in to me that they were absolutely fucked up, and that they were nothing like the people they were before being corrupted by the egg. also, the whole premise of the egg promising people what they want most- i like that. i think it's a good motive for people to just go batshit crazy. good storytelling, in my opinion.

on skeppy and bbh: i also think it's unfair to see it like that. we had no prior development of c!clingyduo's relationship and we had no difficulty in seeing them as brothers. same goes for c!crimeboys and even c!techno and c!wilbur and c!emerald duo. a relationship doesn't need to be extensively developed beforehand for the viewers to understand that it's a relevant relationship to the story. is it fun to see relationships get developed? yea. c!beeduo's relationship progression is literally one of my favorites in the entire story. it isn't necessary for every dynamic tho. i think sometimes you have to just get the context clues ("okay, so c!bbh cares deeply about c!skeppy. they live together. alright."), but even more than that, c!skephalo's relationship has a lot of intricacies that showcase how important it is.

c!bbh's soul is tied to c!skeppy's. that's a canon thing, c!bbh can't die while c!skeppy is alive. they have a whole soul connection thing going on, and that has been canon for months before the egg arc even started. it's unfair to say they had no good relationship development prior.

to be fair, however, i have not watched most of the eggpire lore streams, so i could just be wrong. if anyone with more knowledge on it would like to talk about it feel free to!!! ye

send me a hot take!!!

[bbygirljuvi]

Gruvia Week 2021 Day 3 - Discovery

Author’s note: This emotional roller coaster turned out longer than I intended. Hope you enjoy ^^

Summary: It take place several hours after Alodron’s defeat, on the way of Drameel.

••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••

Group had stoped over in a small yard inside the forest before continuing their path to Drameel. It was the excuse they gave the army. They were campers which had been attacked by some wild animal on thir campsite. They would head to Drameel right after dressed their wounds. Aldron was just a town’s name they knew. To their surprise, army really bought that.

It was really small yard, just enough to lit a campfire. So everybody was spread around the forest. Less injuried members were gettering up wood and food to prepare dinner while Wendy was running around, healing big injuries with last drop of her magic.

Everybody was tired, injured and confused yet happy. Small victory smiles were visible on every face. Joyful whispers were rising from everywhere. Fairy tail was safe and together again.

Gray leaned on a tree which wasn’t too far away from campsite but private from other sights. He closed his eyes with a big sigh while Juvia went to get health supplies. The nauseous feeling had been crippling inside him since the event with Metro kept getting stronger and he was at his limit at this point. His head was aching, there was a still fresh wound end of the dried blood track, his left shoulder was at least dislocated and without adrenaline rush, he was feeling like fainting.

He opened his eyes with two different footsteps coming to his way. Juvia was carrying dressing matterials while Wendy was carrying a bowl of water. Both of their faces was twisted in worry. Was he looking bad as he felt?

“Gray-san what’s wrong, where did you get hurt ?” Wendy asked in rush. “Just my arm and head, not big deal” he said with a ressuring smile but nobody bought that.

Juvia was sitting in the corner, giving Wendy enough space to do her stuff. It wasn’t easy tho. He looked like a mess. She’d been aware that his condition was getting worse every passing minute as they walk but he wasn’t looking half as bad before she left, had he’s been faking it not to worry her? Her heart twitched with another wave of affection.

Wendy checked his head first and gasped a little. It was worse then she initially thought. “Do you feel dizzy or like vomiting Gray-san?” she asked. He gave a small nod then hissed in pain. That hurted, he thought.

“You’re probably having a concussion, I will heal it right away. You should still rest tho.” she said while using her magic. With that ice mage started to feel alive again. “Shit, I’m feeling awesome Wendy, you are amazing!!”

She mumbled something like thank you with one of her cute blushes on and tend towards his left shoulder, fixed it instantly too. This time Juvia talked “ We are so luck to have you Wendy-san~” she said with a bright smile. The gloom had been radiated from her was long gone. “I’m glad I can help my friends. Juvia-san what about you, Did you get hurt too?”

“No, just some scratches, Juvia is okey.”she said while giving an impish look to Gray. Which led him to blush and turn his head. Wendy didn’t know what was that about but she had a guess. “Is that so, than I’m heading to Erza-san. Don’t hesitate to call me if you need.” And left while ice and water mages were waving goodbye, warning her for not to overuse her magic.

Idiot,idiot,idiot he repeated himself as Wendy’s footsteps faded. She’s my power to live?? What will you do next time, kiss her in the battlefield? You extra little-

His inner scrolling cut short by a wet cloth. Juvia was cleaning his face. “Dressing time” she said, trying so hard not to grin like a cheshire cat. She knew it would scare him if she teased him about it longer than she already did. But remaining calm was hard when all she heard was her beloved’s voice echoing in her head. Juvia was his power to live!!

With that she bit her lower lip in an unsuccessful attempt to stop a smile from forming. Gray rolled his eyes to that but relaxed a bit. Her dramatic reactions were so familiar... Yeah, he had practically confessed but it wasn’t something new. Things wouldn’t changed between them. With that realisation he even smiled when she covered her mouth to muff her slipped out giggles.

“Oh,shut up” he said while rolling his eyes once again. But this time he was chukling too. “Juvia’s mouth is sealed.” She said while switching to his arm, cleaning the area with a bright smile. She had almost finished bandaging his right arm when he stopped her. “Wendy healed me, I should have done dressing to you first.” “Not until Juvia finishes mummifing Gray-sama” she said, pushed him back and continued her job. “Hah, I knew it, you had come out of nowhere to kill me. White mage was just an excuse, wasn’t it?” He said playfully. So he was comfortable enough to joke around again? He usually needed more time for his awkwardness to fade off. Progress, she mentally noted.

“Of course it was.” She put her best yandere impression on: “ She missed her Gray-sama too much while he was away, she come here to make sure he won’t leave her ever again!” Than laughed grisly.

“Okey, that was terrifying. You are terrifying Juvia” he played along. “Oh and you should be terrified, Juvia is dead serious, see?” she said, started wrapping his abdomen faster while touching that soft spot she knew Gray was ticklish more than she had to.

His response was immediate. “Stop, no, Juvia sto-“ his words cut off with a laughter. His eyes began to fill with the effort not to burst out. He was crawling in different shapes to save himself but Juvia was merciless. She cornered him between her body, large tree that he was initially leaning on and ground he was currently laying. And tickled him more aggressively as she finished bandaging his wounds. “I have a reputation damn it, stop.” he said between laughters and hold her wrists together in a, successful this time, attempt to stop her. But instead of trying to tickle him more or accepting her defeat, she hissed in pain.

He got up fast, questioning what was wrong while rolling up her sleeves. When he saw weird, bruis like wounds covering her whole arm, he yelped.

“Juvia!! Why didn’t you say anything?” Juvia was looking pretty surprised too. “Where Juvia had been pinned inside Metro was stinging a bit but she didn’t think it was something important...” Her voice kept getting lower once she saw his angry expression. “Your whole arm and-“ he checked under his long boots “ leg are covered in red bruises and you didn’t think it was important!?” Juvia opened her mouth but Gray was just started. “You never take care of yourself. Can’t I even trust you when you say I’m fine?” He started to unbuttoning her coat aggressively since bruises were going beyond her upper arms. He’s stripping me, she mentally noted and placed it aside for later. It wasn’t the right time, he was really angry.

“And you bandaged me with those arms! Always depriving yourself, UGH” She opened her mouth once again when he paused his silent yelling to search right ointment in first-ait bag. But before she could found an excuse, moment passed. He continued scrolling her while angrily rubbing oinment on her left arm.

“What should I do, do I need to strip you every time after a mission to make sure you are okey-“ he paused once again when his eyes slightly crossed over the scar on her abdomen, the one he couldn’t stand seeing. Oh-uh Juvia thought, knowing this would make him grumpier. And she was right, his grip tightened on her wrist. Continued his speech angrier which was about how reckless she was, how she was not listening her physical needs, how she should get her priorities right...

And at that moment, it hit her... She knew her feelings were not as unrequited as it was before. She had known it before that sweet words from several hours ago, she’s my power to live. She had known it before he had claimed her body by saying it’s his. She had known it before unpleasant encounter with Invel. She even had known it before he had promised an answer to her on starry night.

But at that exact moment, while he was grumbling about how reckless she was and angrily wrapping bandage above her elbow; she realised he may care her more than she dared to assume. And at that exact moment she felt loved, more loved than she felt her entire life.

He stopped when he saw her eyes were shining with tears. His expression softened with guilt. Lightened his grip. “I’m sorry. Did i hurt you?” She shooke her head and hugged him carefully, trying not to ruin his effort by rubbing ointment off.

“Juvia will take care of herself more from now on, she won’t act reckless, promise.” She said with a touched voice. It was obvious she was crying. “Hey, hey what’s wrong?” Gray tried to push her, to saw her face but she tightened her arms and buried her face deeper in his neck. “Nothing, really. Can we stay like this for a while please.” she said. Gray was about to object when he felt her tears in his neck, followed by a smile. That was a genuine smile. Gray had never been good at reading people’s emotions but Juvia was different. He would understand if she faked it.

So he mumbled “What is this for all of a sudden?” but still wrapped his arms around her waist, rested his blushed cheek on her hair. They were out of sight anyway.

They stayed in that position until Mirajane declared it was dinner time.

[colorisbyshe]

okay official jujutsu kaisen zero movie thoughts including spoilers:

amazing soundtrack, had to discretely take out my phone to see what song it was several times

i rly confused yuta and junpei for a long time now but i get it. yuta is a lil freak, honestly he’s the type of compact yet emotional narrative the actual anime could use? he’s not like an extremely unique character but “lil weirdo who got engaged at 6 and has a little girl rip out the entrails of anyone who looks at him wrong” is a great time. like yesss kill!!!! fuck things up rika!!!

gojo gets the plot focus i wish kakashi got. if only he was sexy like kakashi

okay, on that notr, does anyone know what he said to geto like idc if it’s a spoiler.................................... what did he say

on THAT note... to be very serious here,  gotta say geto’s team... felt........ off? his entire crew of... fascist supremacists being compromised of gay coded men... abused teenage girls... and a black “foreigner” felt............ not great? like good for geto but....... using language like “monkeys” and talking about rightfully ruling the world... while having a team of marginalized people (outside of geto, i guess) felt........... bad it felt really bad. maybe there’s context that makes it less bad but PHEW that’s fucking bad!!!!!

jjk has BEEN having a weird issue with gay coding villains (veering on just transmisogyny at points) but like... having a shirtless man with heart nipples was like... a bit much. i know if i mention in this in front of the average fan i’d be accused of being like.... homophobic myself for thinking this is gay coding but.......... it’s gay coding and it’s getting fucking weird

i do wish inumaki got to use sign language because his character feels soooo fucking empty without.... actual dialogue. like instead of respectfully treating this like selective mutism and maybe... even making a compelling story out of that... i was just in a theater of nerds who guffawed every time he said “tuna” or whatever during a heartfelt moment. this was an ongoing tonal issue with the film as a whole, it’s like it lacks the confidence to let serious moments play out totally straight

i hate anyone who ships yuta and maki btw, not because it’s bad or problematic i just think she’s gay

i wish the action lived up to the budget this film got?? the yuta/geto fight felt like this like bro why do we need a jump cut YOU’RE ANIMATED

still...  i did like the brutality, even if i could see a character lying in a pool of blood and just be like “walk it off champ” and then two minutes they’re walking it off

this seems like a lot o fcomplaints but i did have fun? it feels like amateur work that didn’t believe in itself and had to constantly cut to flash backs for emotional weight (including recycling flashbacks) but it... knew what it was meant ot be. which is an action anime movie for teenage boys... who sure did love that boob joke... really made me aware of my age

i do think watching jjk before watchign this anime added a lot of value to my experience, like i recognized everyone, but fuck... my understanding of the timeline is worse??

this shit happened like 6 months before yuuji arrived?? and the school si rebuilt?? gojo is coping better than i thought tho if geto like.. jUST died like bro if if my bestie, evne my evil bestie, died in front of me within the last 5  years i would be even more deranged than him

i do like that the both of them take in lil underdog kids tho. even if i hate... the implications of geto doing that... (see my fascism point)

i do feel more tempted to read the manga and continue with these series but.... i’m gonna have a lot of complaints along the way

[aellynera]

The Best Years of Your Life (Reeves x Reader)

THE BEST YEARS OF YOUR LIFE

(hey hey, this is my other submission for @wasicskosgirl and her 800 follower celebration! and yes, you read that right - it’s REEVES. i had a lot of fun writing it and i hope you enjoy reading it! CONGRATS Amanda!!)

Word Count: um like 6200ish oops it was supposed to be a blurb

Summary: They say the best years of your life happen in high school, but what do they know?

Warnings: Some language. Female reader implied but no pronouns/description. Teenage angst. Adult wistfulness. Mostly fluffy tho. No promises about proofreading. Frog murder. 

with the prompt - “Like what you see?”

It all started back in high school. Sometimes you wonder how often people say that, and if it’s really true or they’re just falsely remembering how things happened because high school is supposed to be the best four years of your life.

But in this case, it’s true. Because high school is when you met Reeves.

Sophomore Year. High School. A Friday. 

It was the third day of sophomore year, fourth period on a Friday morning, your last before the lunch break. Biology class was maybe the one you were least looking forward to, not exclusively because of the required frog dissection, but pretty damn close. Gross. And you never understood why the school year didn’t just start on a Monday, but you were new here in San Diego. Maybe they just did things differently.

It was bad enough being the new kid. It was worse when you walked into class halfway through the lecture, even if it wasn’t your fault. The timing of the move was weird, and you’d spent most of the first two days, and this morning, doing placement tests and talking to your counselor. 

And now you were being called out in front of the entire class.

“Ah, there you are,” your teacher announced as you walked in the door. “Everyone, this is our new student, please make them feel welcome. You can sit over there.”

Your eyes followed as she motioned to the empty seat at the lab table in the back of the room. Suddenly you weren’t sure if your face felt hot because of embarrassment or because of the boy in the other chair.

Dark, curly hair cut close on the sides but longer on the top. Deep brown eyes framed by long, long lashes. Full, plush lips curling up into his cheek on one side. A nose that, okay, maybe might be a bit oversized but for some reason worked on his handsome face and--

Well, shit. Definitely not the embarrassment.

You shuffled your way to your seat and slid into it with your head down. A few students watched you curiously but soon turned their attention back to the lesson. You tried your best to focus on what was going on, to not look to your left at the distraction next to you.

You weren’t very successful.

By now you thought you’d sneaked enough covert glances to know that we was wearing a leather jacket, had a small diamond stud earring in his left ear, a bunch of silver-studded brown suede wrap bracelets around both wrists, a silver ring on his right index finger, and oddly precise handwriting as he took notes. In between relevant facts the teacher was sharing, he was doodling tiny music notes in the margins of his notebook.

And he totally caught you looking.

“Like what you see?” he leaned over and whispered.

Your mouth felt drier than the Sahara but also somehow so moist you were afraid you might have actually drooled on yourself. You should have opened your mouth to respond but your brain refused to make the connection. Probably for the best.

At least, at first. When it finally caught up to you, the only response your brain could provide was, “Maybe?”

Now would be the perfect time for the floor to swallow you whole.

He just winked at you and his attention went back to the doodles around his notes.

You shifted your gaze back to your own notebook, but you don’t know if anything else of importance was said, and don’t remember writing anything down. The bell ringing sharply pulled you back to reality and you hastily shoved your books in your backpack, ready to escape.

Just as you were about to leave, a voice called out. “Hey, sorry about earlier. If I freaked you out or anything.”

You looked up. He was smiling at you, a little shyly. You bit your lip, your brain and mouth still refusing to connect.

He stuck his hand out. “I’m Reeves. You’re new here?”

“Um…” you smacked yourself internally. This was ridiculous, you weren’t really shy, you knew how to have a conversation, he was just introducing himself. You were going to have a serious conversation with your brain later about proper communication techniques.

It felt like hours had passed, but you finally pulled yourself together enough to respond. “Yeah. My- my dad got transferred for work, we moved here like a week ago. He literally dragged the family across the country. I’m originally from New York City.”

His eyes lit up. “Oh, cool! I always wanted to go to New York City!”

You found yourself smiling back.

“Do you...wanna sit with me at lunch?” he asked, tilting his head to the side. “Maybe you could tell me a little about the city? And...about you, since we’re gonna have to commit heinous acts of violence on an amphibian together? I’d like to know who’s wielding a scalpel next to me.”

The giggle that escaped your throat could not be contained. This boy - Reeves - was adorable. “Oh. Okay, yeah. I’d really like that.”

The Present.

Poor Lenny the Frog never stood a chance. Then again, neither did you.

To be fair, Lenny was already dead when you and Reeves got your hands on him. Well, when you got your hands on him, because for the full first half of that specific class period, Reeves refused to touch him and nearly turned as green as Lenny once was. That’s when he insisted on naming your cadaver, because somehow giving it a name made it easier to deal with.

You were pretty sure Reeves was nuts.

By the middle of sophomore year, you were dead too, but not for the same reasons.

By the middle of sophomore year, you weren’t sure how you were still alive, because every time he looked over at you and gave you a sly smile during class, gave you that look, you felt your heart go taut and you forgot how to breathe and certainly, rightfully, should have been dead.

Your friend Alexis stuck her head into your bathroom. “Hey, we’re just waiting on Vanessa, and then we’re good to go. Drinks first? The show doesn’t start until 8 so we have time.”

You glanced up from your makeup and nodded. “Yeah, that sounds good. I’ll be out in a few minutes.”

Alexis grinned. “Aaaaaah I’m so glad you agreed to go out tonight! It’s gonna be so much fun!”

“Oh, it’s gonna be something,” you muttered, going back to your eyeliner.

Alexis had been the first one to see the concert announcement about a week ago. A benefit show at one of the clubs down in Greenwich Village, some punk revival thing (for charity) with a bunch of different singers and musicians. Not normally your scene, but Alexis scanned through the names and suddenly remembered you’d known Reeves in high school. You said yes, he was in your class, and you’d been lab partners once. Vanessa squealed in excitement and Alexis announced you were going to the show. There was never any actual agreement.

Because of course Reeves was going to be there. And of course, you had to be too.

Junior Year. The Parking Lot. A Tuesday.

“I’m just saying, it was a ridiculous foul, and it should never have been called,” Reeves groused as you walked out of the gym.

“We also should have made like twenty more of our own foul shots,” you pointed out.

The Lake Howell Silverhawks had fallen to their arch-rivals in a somewhat glorious fashion. You didn’t even like basketball that much. But that didn’t really matter. The games were just an excuse to go out for burgers before and hang out with your friends during.

It was definitely an excuse to hang out with Reeves.

Junior year, you were both disappointed to find you didn’t have any classes together, but you still almost always ate lunch together. He’d come over to your house to study during the week and sometimes just to chill out on the weekends. Over the past year, he’d shown you all around the city and taken you to his favorite places. You told him all about New York, how you missed it and one day you’d go back, and all the famous sites and which ones were tourist traps that he was only allowed to visit the very first time and then never again.

You spent so much time together, even your mother liked to tease you about why he wasn’t your boyfriend.

It took a while for you to find the words to tell her it was because he was someone else’s.

As much as you liked to pretend she didn’t change anything, Randie Rustenberg changed everything. It was gradual, like a creeping vine of ivy, and she slowly took him over. There was no malice; it was just one of those things that happened. Reeves spent less time with you, his best friend, and more time with Randie, his girlfriend.

The girlfriend you desperately wished was you, because ever since that first biology class you’d had the biggest, stupidest crush on him.

Eventually you had a boyfriend of your own. Theo was a nice guy, he really was. Polite, friendly, had a good sense of humor, liked your family. And your family loved him. Your mother was so happy that you had a boyfriend, she seemed to forget to ask how Reeves was and if you’d seen him lately.

Of course you saw him. You saw him every day, in the cafeteria, at his locker, passing by in the halls. Sometimes you could find him playing the grand piano on the stage in the empty auditorium. Yes, if your mother bothered to ask, you saw Reeves all the time. Now it was just always with her.

Except this week. It was a break of sorts, no classes, just some sports and other school activities. Randie was on some trip with her parents for some kind of church function, and Theo was fishing with his dad on some lake up north. He’d told you where, but you honestly couldn’t be bothered to recall. So when a bunch of your friends and a bunch of his friends all said everyone was going to the basketball game, there was no debate.

As if there was any way you’d say no.

Sometime during the game, your friends wandered off to the snack bar and never ventured back. His friends started a game of hacky-sack under the bleachers. And you found yourself pretending to understand all the finer points about hoops strategy, cheering and yelling along with Reeves and having a great time, just like you used to.

“Where’d you park?” he asked as you left the gym and headed out into the sea of cars. You vaguely pointed in the direction of yours and he grinned. “Oh, good, I’m that way too. Come on, I’ll walk you.”

The faint glow emitted by the lampposts in the parking lot bounced off his curls and his eyes, when you could catch a glimpse, were bright beneath them.

As if there was any way you’d say no.

The walk wasn’t very far, but it felt like it was over in a second. You hadn’t said anything on the way, just soaked in the comfort of walking next to him as he kept commenting on the game.

He was waving his hands everywhere, looking at them as he talked as if his hand motions would make things make any more sense to you, in the middle of saying something about your center and how they needed to get better about blocking out when you finally spoke.

“Oh, shit.”

Reeves looked up at you. “What, you don’t agree?”

You dropped your bag on the ground and rolled your eyes. “No, my car is locked and I left my keys inside.” You pointed to the passenger seat. Your keys stared back at you derisively.

You both stared back at them for a moment, then he grinned. “Hang on, I got you.” He held up one finger and trotted off to his car, coming back a minute later with something in his hand. “This should take care of it.”

You took a step back. “Reeves? Um. Okay, why do you have a coat hanger in your car.”

He rolled his eyes back at you. “For emergencies, duh.” He quickly twisted the hanger into a hook shape and went to your passenger side window.

“And why do you know how to break into a car with said coat hanger?”

“Like I told you,” his tongue poked out between his teeth as he worked, “for emergencies. You think I haven’t locked my own keys in my car once or six times?”

“Did Randie teach you how to do this?” The words were out of your mouth before you could think. She probably had. She might have been churchy when required, but she was also responsible for about half of Reeves’s stints in detention (the other half just being him making the wrong joke at the wrong time and pissing a teacher off.)

Thank god he didn’t seem to hear you as he kept working at the lock. Finally you heard a *click* and he pumped a fist into the air with a little “yessss!”

And then you’re not really sure what happened. You bent down to pick up your bag and then you were standing up and Reeves’s face was literally about three inches away from yours and for the eight thousandth time since you’d know him, you forgot how to breathe.

Neither of you said anything for what felt like days. You just stared at each other under the dim halo of the parking lot lights.

“Here you go.” He took your hand and dropped your keys into it.

“Thanks,” you whispered.

“Like what you see?” the corners of his mouth quirked up, just the slightest little bit.

“...Maybe.”

And the staring recommenced. Were you two getting closer? Physically closer, you meant, of course you were close, you’d always been close. Well, at one time you were really close but then Randie Restenberg happened and it wasn’t fair that she got to know what those lips felt like and did he always smell this good or--

“Yo, Reeves!” A pickup truck full of guys skidded to a stop behind your car and one of his friends - Jake? Jack? you barely remembered your own name right now - stuck his head out the window. “Fight to the death ping pong tourney at Matt’s house! You in?”

Reeves bit his lip and closed his eyes for a second before he pulled back with a soft “I’m sorry” before turning to his friends. “Um, yeah, sure. Sounds brutal. I’ll meet you there.” 

The pickup sped off, tires screeching out of the parking lot. Reeves turned back to you, but you’d already gotten into your now unlocked car and started the engine.

You rolled down the window a fraction and gave him a weak smile. “Hey, um. Thanks for saving my butt. Now go kick theirs at ping pong, yeah?” Your face felt so hot, and for once you were grateful for the dim lights in the lot.

“You could, um, come along if- if you want.”

“Nah, I’m...I’m tired, I’m just gonna...um, head home. But I’ll see you tomorrow maybe?”

Reeves looked like he was about to say something else, but he didn’t. He just stepped onto the curb in front of your car, smiled, and raised his hand in a little wave as he watched you drive off.

The Present.

A series of shrieks and the slamming of the door told you Vanessa had finally arrived. It sounded like they were jumping up and down on the tile just inside your front door, which was ridiculous since you’d all just seen each other the day before. But typical.

You smoothed a pinkie under your eye, checked your makeup one final time, and went into the living room.

“Oh, you look hot,” Vanessa gushed. She grabbed a bottle of water from the fridge and plopped down on your couch. “Who are you trying to impress tonight?”

“Reeves, of course,” Alexis laughed, leaning on the kitchen counter. She sorted anything she might need from her big purse into a little evening bag as she talked. “You know we go to all his shows. And you know they went to high school together.”

You snorted. “That was a long time ago. I’m not even sure he’d remember me.”

Vanessa waggled her eyebrows. “You’re probably right, No offense, honey, but no one was that hot back in high school.”

He was, your brain supplied. Very helpful. You smiled wanly.

Vanessa continued. “But you were friends, right? You’ve never really talked about it. God, it must be so cool now to think that you were friends with Reeves back when he was an awkward high school teenager.”

“Reeves was never awkward,” you laugh. “It was kind of unfair.”

“But you totally had a crush on him,” Alexis offered.

Had? What do you mean, had? Oh my god, shut up, brain.

A pillow flew in your direction and you ducked as Vanessa giggled and Alexis rolled her eyes. “Come on, tell us something about him,” Vanessa goaded. “Wait. Was he, like, your prom date? That’s your secret! You totally went to prom with Reeves and you never told us!”

Senior Year. Prom. A Saturday.

The night was not supposed to go this way.

It was supposed to be limousines and corsages and dinner with dates and friends. It was supposed to be endless pictures while your mother told you how gorgeous you looked and how handsome he was and your father gave a thinly-veiled shovel talk about how he knew what happens on prom night and what would really happen if that actually happened. It was supposed to be punch and cookies and balloons. It was supposed to be dancing closer than the chaperones were comfortable with and kissing with tongue when they weren’t looking.

It was supposed to be the best night of your life. It was supposed to be fun.

Nowhere in your weeks of dreaming of this night did it involve sitting on a bench in the girls’ locker room, knees pulled up to your chest, while the party carried on in the gym just beyond.

It definitely didn’t involve crying.

The bass beats of the deejay and the harmony of laughter temporarily got louder as the locker room door opened, and then faded back into a muted thumping as the door closed again a second later. You could hear footsteps headed in your direction but before you could unfold yourself and wipe your tears away, a familiar voice called out.

“Hey, there you are!”

Being able to find the words to describe how he looked in his tux, his curls slightly tamed by some gel, the blue rose (of course it would be an off color, why would he pick something standard?) pinned to his lapel, his lopsided grin… Finding the words was nearly impossible.

Of course he would show up now. Because your night wasn’t already crappy enough and half the reason you were sitting there weeping instead of out there dancing was standing right in front of you.

You realized that wasn’t fair. It was probably more like, twenty-five percent of the reason, and it wasn’t his fault. But that didn’t make it any better.

“Why are you in the girls’ locker room, Reeves?” you sniffled.

He furrowed his eyebrows and his nose scrunched up in concern as he took in your mascara-streaked cheeks and puffy red eyes. “One of your friends said you came in here like half an hour ago and nobody’s seen you since. I just wanted to make sure you were okay.”

“I’m fine.”

“Clearly not.” He sat down next to you. “Wanna talk about it?”

A deep, shaky sign left your chest. You didn’t really want to talk about how, earlier in the evening, you’d excused yourself to use the restroom and come back to the gym to find Theo dancing with...you didn’t remember her name, nor did you care. You didn’t mind that he was dancing with another girl, in theory, but it was another matter entirely when his hands were on her ass and she was sucking a deep purple mark into his neck. And he was laughing. 

A short, vicious argument ensued in the coat room after you’d cut in and dragged him off by the elbow. And it turned out that he’d been seeing whats-her-name for months, somehow, behind your back while pretending that everything was perfect with you. When he was supposedly visiting his grandparents? He was with her. When he had to work an extra shift? He was with her. When he got off the phone with you, saying he needed to get to bed early? He was calling her.

Prom wasn’t supposed to involve a very public break-up.

And things didn’t get any better when, deciding you needed something to drink, you went back into the gym and immediately saw Reeves and Randie, dancing cheek to cheek, arms snugly wrapped around each other as a soft, romantic song wafted through the air. Because of course he was with her. She was his girlfriend and Reeves wasn’t a detestable cheating asshole.

There was always another her.

You couldn’t handle it.

So you took off to somewhere almost guaranteed to be empty. You figured the locker room wasn’t really the kind of place kids would want to make out, and you were right. It was blessedly empty. Until now.

But you couldn’t tell him the second part, so you just went with the first. His eyes got wide as you blubbered through the sordid details of Theo being a complete and utter twat. Another quivery sob half-burst from you and Reeves got up. He grabbed a few paper towels from the dispenser and handed them to you as he sat back down.

“Thanks,” you hiccuped.

“I never liked him,” Reeves announced.

You found yourself choking on a huff of air. “What? Yes you did! Everybody loved him. That’s what makes it extra shitty.”

“Did you?”

“What?”

Reeves cocked his head and looked at you with an expression you couldn’t quite place. “Did you love him?”

Your mouth opened and closed but nothing came out. Why did you always seem to forget how to make words when Reeves asked you questions?

“What?”

He shrugged. “Everyone else loved him. Did you?”

You used every last ounce of willpower you had to not jump up on that bench and shout that of course you didn’t love Theo, you idiot, because I love you.

That would not make this night any easier.

The next thing you knew, Reeves put an arm around your shoulders and pulled you into his chest, hugging you soundly. He rested his cheek on the top of your head. “Doesn’t matter. You’re better off without him.”

You dabbed at your eyes. Nope, still couldn’t make words.

Minutes, hours, days. You had no idea how long you stayed like that, pressed to him and feeling him breathe beneath you. You no longer had any idea how long it had even been since everything crashed around you and he’d come to try and help you pick up the pieces. You just listened to his heartbeat, strong and steady, as the muffled music and joyful shouts of classmates went on past the closed door.

Finally he spoke again. “Hey, you wanna get one of those complimentary pictures?”

“What?” Oh, great. You were finally able to answer his question but you could still only come up with that one word? Stupid brain.

“Well, I…” he sat up straight and, after the briefest look into your eyes, he glanced away. Was he blushing? You weren’t sure. “I always kind of...I kind of thought we’d have a prom picture together. I mean, I just figured, y’know, we’d go with a bunch of friends, but I always hoped I’d get a picture with my best friend.”

The sniffles were back in an instant. Damn him. “Reeves, I...you really want to get a picture now? I look horrible, I can’t get a picture taken like this!”

He took the paper towel from your hand and gently dabbed at your cheeks. “You couldn’t look horrible if you tried. Come on, it’ll be fun. And just think how excited your mom will be when she gets a copy of it.”

Despite your best efforts, you had to laugh. “Okay.”

You headed to the photo area after you washed your face, Reeves helped you wipe off the stray streaks of mascara, and you reapplied just a bit of makeup to make yourself feel better. You were never sure what Reeves said to the photographer before the shots, but he seemed quite happy to take multiples. Reeves stayed pressed against your back with his arms down around your waist, hands clasped together in front of you, for each and every one.

At some point between the second and third shot, he leaned just a little closer into you and you suddenly felt his breath against your ear. “Like what you see?”

For maybe the first time that entire night, your face broke into a genuine smile. “Maybe.”

For a few minutes, your night was absolutely perfect.

The Present.

It was the greatest date that never was.

“No, Reeves was not my prom date,” you told your friends with a shake of your head.

You left out most of the other details, partly because you didn’t want to answer eight hundred questions from Vanessa and partly because, well, you just wanted those moments for yourself.

After the pictures, Reeves had asked if you would like to dance. Until then you didn’t realize it was possible for eyebrows to shoot that far up a person’s forehead, but yours were up for the challenge. You’d mumbled something about if Randie would mind, because you were sure she absolutely would, but he brushed it off. Randie had gone off with her friends when he came to find you, and he really wanted to dance with you, just one dance with his frog murder accomplice. And he said that with a straight face and a twinkle in his eye and there was no way you could refuse.

As if there was any way you’d say no.

One dance turned into two, and then several, until the girlfriend in question finally did show back up and Reeves was pulled away, leaving you with a soft smile and a mouthed “sorry”.

Definitely the greatest never-date.

After prom, life returned to what vaguely resembled normal. Your love life sucked and Reeves still had a girlfriend that wasn’t you, and you didn’t see him much. To be fair, the end of senior year and graduation did creep up pretty fast so there wasn’t a lot of time anyway. Graduation was there before you knew it; he cheered for you and you cheered for him as you each walked across the stage. You made brief appearances at each others’ graduation parties and talked a bit and then, once again before you knew what happened next, it was time to leave for college.

You went back to New York. Reeves stayed on the west coast.

And over the years, like so many other people before you and after you, you just fell out of touch.

“And anyway,” you asserted, “we were just kind of friends. Yeah, like I told Alexis before, we were lab partners sophomore year, and we hung out sometimes, but that was it. Really.”

Alexis snorted and Vanessa narrowed her eyes. “Mmmhmm.”

You threw the pillow back at her. “Mmmhmm.”

“All right, you two,” Alexis chided. “Come on, let’s get going.”

Somehow, you managed to get down to Greenwich Village without further interrogation and minimal shenanigans.

The Present. One Hour Later. Another Saturday Night.

The bar inside the club was pretty packed. Granted, it was a Saturday night down in The Village, so it wasn’t too uncommon, but you were honestly surprised that this many people showed up for a punk retrospective.

There were a few other relatively big-name acts you recognized on the bill, and a fair number of people were wearing t-shirts with Reeves’s most recent album cover on the front. There were even a few that had shirts with his face on it, which was frankly kind of weird.

“Looks like you’re not his only number one fan,” Vanessa smirked.

“I just enjoy his music,” you said off-handedly as you tried to flag down a bartender. “But anyway, tonight isn’t even about him. We’re just here to support charity, right?”

Alexis pretended to agree with you. “Right.”

You glared at both of them before turning your attention back to the bar. Yes, you came to every one of his shows in the area. When you had time. When you could take the night off. When you could rearrange your schedule and switch shifts at the last minute and promise favors to be able to attend them. When you maybe once or twice just called out sick because nothing else worked. So what.

They were really starting to get on your nerves. 

The bartender finally noticed you and took your order, and you looked around the club again while you waited.

Lots of people, ranging from just-allowed-to-buy-booze to mid-sixties businessmen. A few folks that looked to currently be in their golden years but were clearly once punks in their prime. Many people in black and chains and mohawks and neon hair and piercings, to the point where you honestly couldn’t tell who was a performer and who was a patron.

The one person you were looking for was the one that you couldn’t pick out of the crowd.

“He’s gotta be here somewhere!” Vanessa’s voice shouted from somewhere behind your shoulder.

“Vanessa, you’re getting a little weird about this,” you called back as you grabbed your drink and turned around.

“Like what you see?”

Eyes wide and mouth slightly hanging open, you almost dropped your full glass.

Vaguely, nearby, you heard the sound of glass shattering and shot a glance to your left. Alexis really had dropped her drink, and Vanessa was clutching onto her arm for dear life. She was holding her glass at a slightly odd angle and the contents were dripping onto one of her shoes.

The crowd silently pulsed backwards as one, clearing out around the four of you for a respectable distance. Several people watched curiously; surprisingly, they just stood back and stared instead of trying to get involved.

Reason Number One why you really couldn’t blame them: Reeves stood there, right in front of you. Literally less than two feet away, looking right at you. His mouth pulled up into his familiar lopsided grin, his hair still dark but shot through with strands of silver, curly on the top and shorter on the sides. His nose with the little dent, perfect on his face under those dark, luminous brown eyes and...holy shit, was he wearing eyeliner? He was wearing eyeliner.

Reason Number Two why you really couldn’t blame them: Leather pants. Under his old, faded t-shirt and black leather jacket (you were used to seeing him in brown, but you had to admit the black looked good) he was wearing leather pants.

Reason Number Three why you really couldn’t blame them: Quite simply, Reeves was standing in the middle of a bar in New York City and he was talking to you.

You blinked once, then twice. You may have blinked more times but all you could think about was the fact that, after all these years, your brain still couldn’t make words when Reeves asked you a question.

That same old question.

Suddenly you were grinning back, completely ignoring your friends and their dumbfounded squawking and sputtering next to you. You were smiling because even though your brain couldn’t make full sentences of words, it could pull one particular word out of the void and let it come out past your lips.

“Maybe.”

Reeves grinned fully now, his eyes lighting up and the crinkles at the corners deepening.

Someone - maybe Vanessa, maybe a total stranger, you couldn’t be sure - might have swooned from the sidelines.

“Always told you I wanted to come to New York,” he said.

“Always told you I’d go back.”

And the next thing you knew, the next thing that made any sense anywhere in your mind, was that Reeves had stepped forward, wrapped his arms around you, and placed the softest, sweetest, most heart-achingly gentle kiss on your lips.

You pulled away in a daze, felt the heat rising in your cheeks, as you heard a muffled choking sound halfway behind you. Definitely Vanessa.

Alexis and Vanessa’s eyes, already bugging out of their faces, nearly fell out of their sockets when Reeves turned to address them.

“Hey, ladies. I’ll come talk to you after the show, but for now, I just need to borrow your friend for a few minutes, okay?”

There were somehow still more bizarre, mostly inhuman noises that came out of your friends and even later, when they’d deny ever acting like that in front of a famous rock star (and rolled their eyes at you when you corrected them that he was a musician, not a rock star), it wouldn’t matter because you weren’t paying a single bit of attention to them them anyway.

You only had eyes for one person.

He took your hand and pulled you past the bar, into a little room in the back; the office, presumably. The second you were both inside, he wrapped his arms around your waist and looked you in the eyes. He just stared for a few minutes, or maybe hours, you weren’t sure.

It really didn’t matter.

“Do you have any idea how long I’ve wanted to do that?” he whispered.

“Third day of school, fourth period biology class, sophomore year?”

Reeves smiled softly. “The second you walked in that door.”

“Why didn’t you?” you tilted your head to look at him. Okay, to gaze into his eyes. You tilted your head to gaze into his eyes and your subconscious hoped to any gods that would listen that you did not have actual hearts or stars in your pupils.

Not that it really mattered.

His arms never left you but he gave a little shrug. “Never seemed to be the right time. And then I had a girlfriend.”

“Yeah,” you laughed. “And I ended up with that lame excuse for a boyfriend. But do you know how long I’ve wanted you to do that?”

“When you couldn’t stop staring at me when you sat down at the lab table next to me?”

“Hmmm, maybe. But definitely when you told the teacher we had to have a funeral for Lenny.”

“Hey, Lenny was a fuckin’ hero,” Reeves batted his eyes at you innocently. “He performed a brave and great service to his country.”

“I am oddly happy you’re still an idiot,” you giggled.

“I’m ecstatic that you kept coming to all my shows in the city.”

You pulled back slightly and looked at the ceiling. “You noticed?”

Reeves gave you that look. That look he always gave you, when you were teenagers, when you said something either completely ridiculous or completely profound. That look he gave you when he thought you might not be looking, even though you were always looking. That look that said he always had your back and you were his best friend. That look that you thought you’d be lucky to see one more time but probably never would.

That look.

“Of course I noticed. I thought about having security make you stay back, but that’s just...no. You always looked happy, and I don’t know...I just didn’t want to intrude, I guess? Just always wondered why you never stuck around after the shows, never stayed to talk to me, never came knocking on the dressing room door.”

You thought about that for a minute. You really did try, but you couldn’t come up with a decent answer. You were happy. Just seeing him was enough, you told yourself. Just hearing him sing was enough, just being in the same room with him, just being near. Just like it was back in high school.

Only it wasn’t high school anymore, and now that he’d finally, finally - after years of would’ve and should’ve and maybes - kissed you, you knew enough wasn’t going to be, well, enough.

So that’s what you told him.

And Reeves pulled you close, leaned in closer, and kissed you again.

You pulled apart, breathless again, and rested your foreheads together.

After minutes, or maybe days, or maybe hours, and definitely years - it didn’t really matter - Reeves was there. You were there. And for once, you were really there together.

“Like what you see?”

“...definitely.”

The Future. Any Day. Every Day.

You always thought, and your friends always said, that the best years of your life happened in high school. And to a certain extent, that was true and you believed in that notion for a very long time.

But ever since that night, that one glorious night in a Manhattan bar, you realized you were wrong.

The best years of your life were still happening.

~end~

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